A jumble of emotions, and what not.

First off…Where the bloody hell are all my mates…and mates by association?!  

Darling sister Raya *hugs*  is MIA…*sigh*  I worry that Rita has taken out power and phones. I’d call and check but she’s at her best mates house over the week-end. *sigh* I’m keeping my fingers crossed (or would if it didn’t interfere with typing)…but I do find my toes are trying to cross themselves in their stay.

And where oh where has my Nell gone? I’m missing you…and by extension, my Uncle Remus. *hugs* You’ve been MIA yourself for too many days now…Makes me worry anymore. See that, got me worried…and who the hell am I suppose to tell about the black and white mask I picked up at the dollar store today? Huh? Huh? Answer me that. *pouts*

And as I said…mates by association…Where is the bloody Tea Witch!  I wrote about tea…and he didn’t even show up. *ptft* I understand the reason for all those nasty things Nell has said about him now. *laughs*  (Kidding of course…mostly. *smirks*)

The Birthday boy (It’s still the 24th were little brother is)  is on…but said he’ll be leaving soon. To get a stupid pop, and hang out with the blood relatives. (Blood relatives are highly over-rated, I swear.)  …..And there he goes. *sigh*

Tara is offline as well…I have no one to talk to.

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You Are 18 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view – and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what’s to come… love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You’ve had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You’ve been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

 

What Age Do You Act?

Apparently…I’m not too far off on playing Raven…It’s more or less pretty close to the age I act anyway.  Nell really needs to take this one…test out that age theory.

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*hugs Raya* 
I seen an evil from my past today while shopping…At least it didn’t try to talk to me…I hope it didn’t even recognize me. I despise him and his brother and what they did. 
I want my sissy!  I’m not bad, not really…just…*hugs* I wish I had some connection to someone right now.

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Speaking of wanting a connection…*sigh*  Some babble I wrote last night:

I feel alone, even when there are others around. Something is missing. Something is always missing. I say words that once had feeling…Now, they are empty shells.  I want to be able to say them, and mean then, or at least think I might mean them. I want someone to think and feel twords me, to let me know I’m something specail. Someone…*sigh*   Someone to tell me they like me, that I’m funny…I’m amusing…Someone who says they’ll hold me, that they’ll kiss me…Even if we never really touch. Hearts touch, minds touch, souls touch, even if bodies never will. I just want someone to love me.

IRL (In Real Life) I’m in a doomed relationship…There are just too many complications to be rid of it all. That and the other party is oblivious to the fact that in essence, there is really nothing left. How can someone be so bloody blind I don’t know….I suppose that’s what happens when 1) You don’t want to see.   or   2) You’re just to unobservant to notice…Anything! 
I do everything that we should be doing 1) Utterly on my own.   or   2) With the help of my mum.  I’m just lucky enough to have her here to help me.

I feel trapped…I feel like a caged animal…I feel like all I am doing most times is exsisting…Yeah, exsisting is a good thing…but there has to be more…something…anything.  *sigh*

Some friends of mine were fliting online a bit back (and although it was ultimately a mess in the end) I found myself feeling quite jealous. (Hey, bet you two weren’t expecting to hear that one, were you. *weak laugh*)  I just want to feel like someone cares, even if 1) It’s more than either of us should.   and/or  2) It’s not really real.  (One reason I was so badly wanting to talk to Rand the other night. Nothing ever really happens in our conversations…not like what some people have implied. But on occasion, he at least made me feel…I don’t know. *sigh*  I knew it was ultimatly nothing…but it didn’t matter, at the time…someone cared. Even if all it was was standing on the beach by a roaring bonfire, a possible hug…a possible kiss…*sigh* Even if it wasn’t real…only an illusion…it was something at that moment.)

I know a love like Raven’s and Severus’s is not the thing of everyday lives. That is true, undying unconditional love…It just doesn’t happen much at all. I wish it did…I wish I could feel it.  As Raven…I do feel it, with all my heart and all my soul. I ache to be parted from him, and am overjoyed when he is near. Which really makes knowing what is to come even more unbearable. *sigh* Having to be apart from him…exspecially when that is the polar opposite of previous plans that had been semi put into motion.
Bloody hell…There was suppose to be a wedding, not a bloody funeral. It was suppose to be two people who love each other coming together, not being torn apart. (And for those who are wondering…No they are not going to fall apart because of this…It’s just a postponment of what was meant to be…Doesn’t matter what book 7 says.)

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*Flips through Figi’s flyers* 

You know…I still find sugar-free candy should be an onxy-moron. Nasty, nasty stuff. Candy is suppose to have sugar, otherwise, what’s the point.  And sugar-free gummies! Bloody hell…that’s just really not right.  (Yes, this is my lame attmpet to lighten the mood…or at least my mood…after that fiasco up there. *points up*)

Then there is this other flyer…I want it everytime I see it…But have never managed to talk myself into

spending that kind of money.  15 boxes of various chocolates (A chocoholics dream…I bloody well swear)…at a price of…$59.85.  Yipes!  But here…the list of delicious delectables…
1) Peanut Butter Meltaways (Kind of like peanutbutter cups, but smoother and square.)
2) Assorted Truffles (Ooo…truffles.)
3) Chocolate Covered Cherries (Nuff said .*laughs*)
4) Coconut Delights (Okay, I can live without these…now if they were the coconut haystacks…that would be another story.)
5) Chocolate Mousse
6) Pecan Patties (They’re like those turtles things.)
7) Caramel Squares (Caramel…*melts*)
8) Chocolate Truffle Gems (More truffles people!)
9) Raspberry Jellies (Which I could do without, with as much as I like raspberry -which is right up there with chocolate- I’m not a jellies kind of person…although…I do have to admit…the Jaffa jellie -even being evil orange- wasn’t so bad…Bloody hell…Now I want Jaffas! Nell! I blame you. *hugs*)
10) Peanutbutter Cups (You can get #1-10 for a scant $44.99 *rolls eyes* Still Eeps@ Price.) (1-10= 4 lbs. 4 ozs.)
11) Cream Mints (*drools* I love the mixture of chocolate and mint…Peppermint Schnaps in hot cocoa is yummers too. *thinks* ~Where the bloody hell did that come from?~
12) Chocolate Nut Mels (Eh…I’m picky about nuts, so I don’t know about these…I like Almonds, and hazelnuts…though, like everything else…I’m not suppose to eat them right now. *pouts* *thinks* ~Six more months, six more months~
13) Choclate Covered Carmels (More carmels! These ones being the harder type carmels…the previous ones being the melted like kind, that’s all sticky and gooey, and yummy.)
14) Almond Raisin Clusters (Raisins…Ick)
15) Almond Patties   (And said 15 boxes of chocolate weigh in at…6 lbs. 8 ozs.)
Plus!  You get a free little tin of non-chocolate covered carmels…Look more carmels…In case you haven’t noticed…I like carmel. *thinks* ~Ooo…a carmel apple sounds good…bloody braces!~

Other than that…there is another flyer that caught my attention…It’s got these cute little Yuletide/Christmas bags stuffed with sweets. And apon closer inspection, the sweets selection isn’t that bad either…but what caught my eye initally were the little bags. They look to be made of felt. Red, green and blue (Why blue, I don’t know…I understand the red and green, being traditional Christmas/Yule colours…but blue? *shrugs* Not that I have anything against blue…blue is fine…and as soon as I get off my lazy arse and finish the dress I started, I’ll show you all…ANYWAY…), they are stiched together with white thread, in a cute little way. And they have holiday designs on them. The blue ones have the Holy King/Santa Claus *insert whatever other name you chose to use for the jolly man with the white beard and red suit* which I suppose looks real good on blue…so that might explain the whole blue thing. The green ones have a reindeer head *random fact here: Did you know, both male and female reindeer grow antlers…only the males shed them yearly…and it’s only the females that have actual antlers during the Christamas/Yule season!*  (Take that Rudolph.)  And…(getting on with it)…the red ones have two diffrent designs, snowmen, and Christmas/Yule trees.
Anyway…I think I might steal the idea…I make little treat baskets for some of the holidays (Halloween/Samhain, Christmas/Yule, Easter/Ostara)…I really like these little bags though…they are quite cute.

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*sigh* Well it’s 2 in the morning. I’m guessing the hurricane did some nasty things. *hugs Raya* I miss you sis.

I’m being forced to go somewhere I have no desire to go tomarrow…blah…*kicks pet*  Well hopefully I can get some writing done…or maybe I’ll take my drawing stuff…Or…Hey…*looks over at yarn and crochet hook* that could work. *wicked grin* Hehehe.

Which reminds me…it looks as if my desired rat has been put on hold…right up there with the computer. *sigh*

I’m feeling…Eh…So-so.  I sooooo do not want to go to bed…well…I don’t want to go to the bedroom anyway…

Still have to try that pumpkin lantern thingy…In regaurds to the gift basket thing I mentioned earlier…I had the idea of using origami, and makind a pumkin…I’ve got an idea that might work…just have to get to trying it.

And my apoligies for those who came looking for amusement…although I’m sure the chocolate list might of hand some in it. *small smile*