07/07/2010

so where am i right now.. .sitting in my room as ususal.. chai has her friend over and they are playing and giggling in her room..

i still haven’t dropped the big secret to mom yet, it just never seems like the right time.. tonight, she and dad got into another arguement.. he’s an ass.. and will never change.. and he says things that he denies saying one minute later.. tonight he said something about money.. he only had $60 this month and he’d have to wait until next month for another $60.. okay asshole.. mom gives him money whenever he asks for it… but he’s acting like she takes his check and he gets nothing.. well bills have to be paid… and when she was giving him $200 out of the check each month just for spending cash he was always broke and didn’t know what he spent his money on.. so she started giving him a bit here and a bit there when ever he said he needed something.. i mean his memory sucks to begin with from all the meds he’s on (that he’s not supposed to be taking ne more)  anyway it ended with her telling him he could leave.. and him saying he can’t leave until he has enough money to leave on… she told him to take his check next month and go…

so yeah not a good time to tell her i’m not getting financial aid anymore.. just hope i can hold her out until i start this job with Jess.. september is the month she figures everything will be done.. she has to finish the cda courses and then apply to the state for type a certification..  they finally gave us a ruling on hiring me in under type b.. .it’s not going to happen… so 3 months to wait.. i’ve got my cpr/first aid classes done.. docs appointment tomorrow for the physical and then i’ve got to do my background check… once that’s done i’ll be ready to go once the state does her type a evaluation..

the good news that we got with the whole job situation is that the city approved her house to be zoned as a type a certification.. which was a big worry.. we didn’t know what we were going to do if they didn’t approve it.. the bank wants us to have 6 months of business under the type a certification before they will give us the loan for the new house to put the daycare in… which of course i have a fleating feeling that once that happens i will probably be living there… mainly because i don’t know how much i can take here ne more.. i don’t want to leave because of mom and kia… but his psychoness is making things horrible here.. not so much with me any more but mom is so stressed out it’s crazy..

i’ve gotten a story idea, a really good plot.. but i’m not all that great at writing stories.. i’m more of a poem type person… but i’m going to try to muck through it… cause it’s really just eating at my mind to get it written.. just haven’t done it.. well got some of it down.. it’s the whole development of the story that i have a hard time with. i know what i want to say and where the story wants to go,but getting it down where it sounds good and stuff just has never been me.. so here’s to trying lol.. once i get chapter one finished, i’ll post and see what you all think.. and be brutal lol…

so we did chai’s two parades this past weekend.. they were fun, and the kids got their picture in the local paper… at the first parade, thankfully though we were in the car leaving.. i saw.. can you guess? yep arron.. i knew he was in town, because my mom made a point of telling me (for reasons i have no clue about) and he’s here with his current girl friend.. and mom went on to tell me they were staying at his moms… okay i really don’t care.. but i didn’t say ne thing.. i mean i’m glad he’s home safe from overseas.. but really i don’t need to know he’s in town.. but anyway saw him and his girl walking down the street with his sister… and for once my heart didn’t skip a beat.. i’ll admitt, he looks good though.. military life always did suit him.. but yeah so that’s my brush with the past…

it is hotter than the oven in here.. my room of course no air conditioning.. which normallly doesn’t bother me.. but now i’m sweating miserably… need to find my fan and plug it in.. might help if the dog wasn’t laying on my foot hanging off the bed…

so i talked to amanda the other day, she’s doing good and so is neveah… adorable baby.. but all of mark’s girls are adorable… but she said they are doing good and mark talked to chai for a bit and then she taked to kaydence… they miss each other a lot.. and kaydence is all excited to be a big sister.. of course i have a ton of stuff to send mark and amanda, mainly pictures and stuff.. but have been so busy dealing with kia and chemo and the crap with his psychoness.. that i’ve forgotten to send the crap out.. i told her i’d get it to them eventually lol.. but then she asked about what was going on with kia.. and then she was tired and we got off the phone.. this is so different with her than with his ex-wife.. we are actually communicating and stuff..    his mom hadn’t talked to him since before the new year… so she didn’t know when neveah was supposed to be born or ne thing.. so i sent her a picture to her phone.. i swear she and i have gotten closer than ever… and she’s flat out told me she wished mark would have gotten back with me, but i remind her that he and i were better friends than anything… i could sit her and say i’d would have said no to him if he would have asked me to move out there… but i’d be lying… i’m not saying i would have said yes either… just that i know i wouldn’t have said no right off… anyway.. yeah so i’ve got a great relationship with his mom and sister… and an okay relationship with him and amanda… so that part of life is kinda okay… not stressful…

we have netflix… and i tell you this because it’s quite funny.. kia and i are the ones that uses it.. but he gave the login stuff to mychael and daniel… so they could watch stuff online… well they are watching some b flick almost porn movies… and i had asked kai about it.. he started crackin up.. so we went looking through the list of movies and almost everyone they watched, they’ve watched more than once… the funny part is that kia asked mychael about a few of them and i guess mychael got this look on his face and then he was like "dude you’re sister can’t see what i’ve watched can she?" lol he’s 18 and worried that i can see he watched porn… so the next time he’s over i’m gonna ask him if he’s watched ne thing good lately on netflix… lol kia said he’ll get embarrassed and blush…so maybe i won’t….

but anyway… i’ve got to get going.. have to find something for the kiddos to do tonight since ally is spending the night.. i’m going to veg out and watch a few movies tonight.. don’t know what yet.. then tomorrow it starts all over again… housework, and keeping chai entertained… i really need to quit sleeping in so late, but i was up by 930 this morning… so i guess that’s not too late.. ne way more later

<3 Cole