Half Life!

You wanted a letter, mhmm…how to express the unexpressable ,  but soul exposing begets it own little half born children,  well ok,  an eye for an eye right?                                                                                                    

Meet my half born:

                                                                                                          "Half Life"

I knew that I’d get like this again
That’s why I try to keep at bay
Be a hundred percent when I’m with you and then
A perfect heart’s length away

The stickler is you’ve played not one beat wrong
You never promised me anything
Even sat me down, warned me just how they fall
And I knew the odds were I’d never win

yet here I am
It’s a half life
With you as my quarterback
A daft life

My self-worth measured in text back tempo
It’s been 2 days and 8 minutes too slow
There may well be others but I still like to pretend
That I’m the one you really want to grow old with

You’ve got a schedule to stick to
Got a world to keep sweet
You’re so much to everyone all the time
Will you ever slow down? Will I ever come first?
The universe contracts to sigh
Hold me darling, please

It’s a half life
With you as my quarterback
A daft life
It’s a half life
With you as my quarterback
A daft life

You know you’ll never be lonely
You know you’ll always be loved
And maybe you’ll never need more than that
But of the surplus that loves, what’s to become of us?
Does it even register on your conscience?

Long for one last showdown
From a box in the crowd, air compressed tight to explode
I’m clenching my ticket to the only way out
As you disappear in a puff of smoke

It’s a half life
With you as my quarterback
A daft life
 
T
 
This, this is what I think of, when I think of what you think!  universes side by side spinning off into tangents and what ifs and coulda beens, Oh it coulda been,  my body is here, my mind and heart traverse the threads of alternate places and time and worlds..
and hurt..enough hurt to swallow an apocalypse of suffering,  how much can one girl’s heart ache? Did you do this?  Fool!  I would do it again…have to find some meaning…
when you hurt those you love by merely being present,  and are a current and visible reproach…do you slink off into a corner with tail tucked but secretly inside not repentent at all..that damn cookie was soo good!   I can’t have the whole box but dammit I got one…I take my punishment….
 
Should I repent for swinging that bat, I stepped up and knew, I just knew stepping into that box that maybe I would hit that thing out of the park…or maybe not…
 
I am not repentent,  and yeah surly as hell as I know the price, my judges are legion…but my intentions were never malign…how could they be…but strange thing is criminals never feel in the moment the error of their ways…in the twisted loops of cranial grey matter they can see a rational reason for their actions…doesn’t make it right…nope…Nopey NOPE NOPE!!
 
Is equilibrium a place that all things come too:  do the highest highs still get balanced by the lowie lows?  My rational thought says yes but my heart says no no NO!
 
This answers nothing…and will in fact just raise more questions and I am such a son of bitch…lets go and rip the fucking scab off that wound again…lets poke around a little…Does this hurt?  Hmmm…How about now? does that hurt?  hmmm what about right fucking there!  YaH!  that hurts doesn’t it?  
 
crazy?  the mere fact that if I stay I am crazy then I am not crazy but If i deny being crazy well isn’t that the fucking irony that the more you say you aren’t the more they say you are…(but I AM MOST DEFINATELY NOT CRAZY) (but if I say it out loud then I look crazy so instead I just whisper it to myself…alot)  good thing about having dogs when you talk out loud and your spouse walks in ans says "what did you say"  you can pretend you were talking to the dogs…Oh fuck me…