08/25/2005

There was an earthquake last night. I was actually asleep and I woke up as everything was shaking…I told myself that I was just imagining it and I laid back down and went to sleep; I didn’t even think about it being an earthquake.

I cut today.
I would go talk to Kim about it, but, if I was to do that – she would know I had razors and if she knows I have razors then she’s going to take them, and if she takes them…I won’t have them.
So no good can come from that.

However, if I don’t admit it – someone will eventually find out and no one will ever listen to or trust me again; my razors will still be taken, and I will be “asked” to seek professional help or pack my bags.
Which will make things 10x worse. But, I would get to at least keep the razors a bit longer.

So…I’ll…just sit here ignoring the inevitable outcomes of my decisions, and cut, and hide, and believe that everything will be okay.
Even though I know full well that it’s not.

I’m just not capable of controlling myself.