The List, continued.
The list continued. My writings about the topics are in red.
1. old therapist gone, made decent progress with her, meeting new one on wednesday.
So I’ve been seeing a psychologist about twice a month since mid summer. We made some pretty good progress I think. However; she was only at that practice for 6 months or something. So I’m seeing someone new now, I meet her this week. I made progress in that I believe in my self and my skills more. And I actually think I’m a smart person, I stand up for myself a little more now, although still working on that a bit. I’ve been feeling a bit shite about myself lately though, so hopefully something I can start to deal with this week with the new girl. Been feeling lonely, hopeless about relationships and men, and missing having a boyfriend a lot.
2. my sisters increasing intolerance for people that she thinks make stupid decisions
3. my distance from family
4. dating experiences and them turning into fears
5. being off the antidepressants
I’ve been off the Wellbutrin for probably three months now. I think I’m mostly ok off it. I did learn a fair bit with the psychologist this summer so I think I’m coping fairly well on my own right now. I’m glad to be off if just for the sake of I don’t like being permanently medicated.
6. School
I’m so damn tired of school. I’ve has enough, I don’t care anymore, it’s my last priority. I can’t wait to be finished, hopefully in June 2014.
7. Friends (we will call one friend Agony, and the other one Volatile)
8. Honesty
9. Loneliness (recent weekend away with family)
This past weekend I went to Banff for the day with my mom and sister. And I felt lonely the whole time. I feel lonely a lot when I hang out with my sister, because she is turning into something, I don’t know what. It made me miss Tim a lot. And he emailed me about work stuff while I was away, so that didn’t help either. And just now I had a random memory of the weekend we spent in Saskatchewan right when we started dating. Sitting around the fire, chilling and drinking with everyone, and just hanging out and being close to him. And being comfortable with him. God I miss that. I miss him so much. I wish he could have seen the potential and put in the effort to learn to deal with his issues so that we could have been together. I don’t know if I will ever find someone that hits me like that again. And I don’t want anything less, so don’t see it happening ever. Which makes me sad because I am quite lonely, and I miss being in a relationship. I miss being that close to someone. But I don’t want a relationship just to fill the lonely void. It has to be as magic as it was with him, or better.
10. life in general.