Post-Lunch Struggles

I have so much respect for you and your willingness to examine and analyze your feelings on this. It takes courage to do so! “If this commercial scene is subtly encouraging guys to just take whatever they want and that girls should just accept it, what do those movies say?” This is exactly what I think this commercial is saying. We can theorize about the backstory of this commercial until the end of time, but the only evidence we have is: – he went to prom alone, so either he didn’t ask her or he was rejected by her – she went with someone else, so she is romantically involved with this third party To me, this shows that they do not have a romantic relationship where an unannounced kiss can be assumed to be accepted and consented to. Yes, she seemed to recognize him in that split second before he kissed her, but it could just have been “oh hey, you’re that nice guy from my third-period math class.” Simply recognizing him doesn’t mean that she’s romantically interested in him – unless we accept that we love in a rape culture where anything less than a forceful explicit NO is seen as a default yes. (cont)

(cont) and the kiss, while accepted, didn’t start that way. Her shoulders were hunched up, her hand on his chest as if to push him away. Yes, she relaxed into and and smiled at the end – but we have no reason to believe that he knew that would be her reaction. Does her consenting in the middle negate that he didn’t have it in the beginning? I don’t think it does. Audi paid millions of dollars for this 60 second spot, which means that they believe this is a powerful message that will resonate with their buyers. That this commercial represents “bravery”, which was the tagline of the spot. That disturbs me, it really does. You know what would’ve been brave? The exact same commercial, only instead of the kiss, he faces her and says “I’ve loved you for four years.” Or “I just have to tell you I think you’re the most beautiful girl in the world.” Or even “I’ve wanted to kiss you from the moment I first saw you.” Honesty is WAY braver than conquest! (cont)

(cont) and since this is a scripted commercial, maybe her response would’ve been to hug or kiss him or ditch her asshole date to be with him. An even better outcome than the commercial portrayed! But doing it that way – speaking to her like a person instead of just taking – carries the possibility of rejection. Of her not accepting what he wants to give her. Ad apparently, if we believethis commercial’s message, that’s reason enough to not risk rejection and just do it anyway. Like I said previously, his want to kiss her supersedes her right to decide if she wants to be kissed in the first place. According to this commercial, “begging forgiveness rather than asking permission” is the better, “braver” course of action. As you can probably tell, I vehemently disagree.

By the way, that first note should’ve said “live in a rape culture”, not “love.” Autocorrect! And RYN, I completely agree with you on the issues around the punch and the jerk boyfriend “defending her honor” or, even worse, reacting to someone messing with his “property”. Gross.

RYN: I’m supposed to be working too! Yeah, that’s not happening. ^_^ I appreciate you checking in, and likewise – if we get to the point where we should agree to disagree, let me know. But I think this is a great discussion, and I value the chance to talk these things out and examine them from a different point of view. I want to know where my opinions are valid, and where the weak points are, and the best way to do that is through discussion and debate! ^_^ I’ll probably write an entry on all this too – it’s really given me a lot to think about.

ryn: sorry it took me so long to get back to you. I’ve been a bit “dead.” :-/ Of course, I’m going to mostly agree with Avalon and what she’s said here because she and I think very similarly about this topic. I only just *now* saw ALL the problems wrong with “what the movies say.” I mean, I saw things before, obvious things, but I think this issue “the hero getting the girl” which is really him

*taking* the girl.. as incredibly dangerous. I never thought this way until the last year. Now I see Beauty and the Beast and CRINGE. “What?!! He throws temper tantrums, screams at her, roars at her, throws things at her, she gets huff, goes to her room and he can win her over the next day by ‘I’m sorry?? It’ll never happen again, I swear.'” I never saw that subtle message until last month!

NOW I get why feminists were so bothered/upset about these messages. We NEED to stop thinking that it’s sexy or romantic for the hero/the masculine person to take the feminine person. That the masculine can just over ride the feminine because they want to. That’s what that represents and it places the feminine as less than the masculine. To take without consent says “you are not valuable for me

to care to have your consent.” Remember how Shazar was always so obsessed with the hero? Yeah. :-/ None of it made sense to me until the last year. That’s what commercial says. And literally, the kid in the commercial comes away with it as “oh look at me! i WON.” That’s what it’s about: proving masculinity by “having the woman,” “Getting the girl.” That’s dangerous and THAT is what contributes

to rape culture. anyway 🙂 Thank you for asking me! and i am sorry i didn’t get to you sooner. I did come back to read it a few times. I’ve just been mentally wiped out lately.