Lessons I Learned in High School

 I’m really hating this week already.  Its too busy.  I was going to make macaroni lasagna last night, not to eat but to have as leftovers for the rest of the week since I would be so busy.  I also wanted to do laundry and clean off my desk.  But it was late and I was tired and haven’t been feeling 100% since the flu so I decided instead to be smart and go to bed early (by early I mean 11pm).  I would eat PB&J for the week. It would be fine.

I overslept.  Went right through my alarm.  Woke up thirty minutes after I was supposed to be at work.  I wanted to kick myself.  If I could, I probably would have.  Gone into work looking like an extra from Fight Club.  I’m so mad.  My boss is mad too and I don’t blame him.  I have no words.  I made the "smart" choice.  I did the "adult" thing.  I got fucked over.

This all reminds me of high school English class.  The teacher assigns a paper and tells us the smart, adult choice is to work ahead.  Do a little bit of work every day to achieve the best paper.  Don’t leave it all until the last minute.  Now I usually hovered about the A/B range on papers.  Sometimes only B+, sometimes break into an A-.  But I couldn’t seem to break that solid A line.  So once I tried doing as he instructed.  I did the smart, adult thing and worked on the paper every day.   An assignment that I usually cracked out in 3 or 4 hours, I spent around 7 hours (one hour a day for a week) working on.  Slow and steady.  Adult and smart.  I got a C- on that paper.  My teacher told me he could tell I had just slapped it together the night before.  It was not of the quality of my usual work.  He was very disappointed.  -_-

And out the door went "smart" and "adult"!  College was the same way for me.  Even my huge research project, I waited until nearly the last minute.  I did collect information and jotted down ideas and notes through out the semester.  But I wrote that sucker over the course of three days in the midst of finals and juries.  Professor gave me an A+.

So why did I think making the "smart" and "adult" decision would be better this time.

I’m so angry and upset its unbelievable.  I would be less upset over this if I had stayed up late or done something else stupid.  Because there would be a cause, a reason…. A way to fix it!  Next time, do this instead.  What the hell am I supposed to do?  Go back to sleeping every other night?  That can’t be healthy either in the long run but at least I know I’ll never oversleep!

Today just sucks.  Can I kill myself now?