Early Morning Musings

 I think he’s been trying to figure out how my faith and religion intersect with reality and his understanding of "the church."  He was raised Catholic and while there are many similarities, it is still vastly different from such a Reformed tradition.  And I don’t know how its going to end up looking in the end.  But I do know this much.  I look at him, sleeping and snoring away next to me and my heart sings, vibrating along at a level only heard to me.  I want to face the world with him.  I’ve never felt more grateful for a person than ever before.  And strangely, God is the person I want to thank for him.  I know he may not believe or understand but I cannot see how any of this would have come to pass if God was not really the one in control.  Its crazy.  And yes, I’m a crazy conservative Christian sometimes.  But I’m also lying naked in a hotel bed for the second night in a row next to a man I can’t imagine not being in my life.

As I was falling asleep last night, it dawned on me that in a few days he’ll be gone.  Things will have to go back to the way that they were, without him being there.  WIthout my being able to be there for him.

And I really really hate that idea.

I do not know how to make this all slide into nice little boxes.  I don’t know how this is supposed to work.  But I still know, I’m going to try my hardest.

I don’t think I’ve ever wanted something this much.