My Own Two Feet Should Be Able To Hold Me

Now that I have a NoJoMo icon that I like, I’ve changed up the colors again.  This feels more soothing.  I have not been faithful to NoJoMo this year so far.  I think about writing, but I don’t feel like I have much to write about.  Or rather much that I’m not avoiding that I want to write about.

I lost my job this week.  It was a mix of my being sick and them wanting me to work more.  Even if I hadn’t been sick, I couldn’t work more.  I was considering asking for Wednesday’s off altogether.  I never got the chance, which I guess was a good thing.  If I hadn’t been fired for being sick, I probably would have been for taking every Wednesday off.  I’m both mad and not really caring.  I liked the job well enough, but not really what that office does.  I have conflicting emotions regarding private schools and in particular Christian private schools.  Why should someone who wants a good education suffer because of their living or financial situation?  Shouldn’t all schools be palaces and teachers paid as handsomely as kings?  Education is the silver bullet.  It is everything!  Why don’t our schools reflect that?

So working in an office that begs money from alumni and other sources made me a little uncomfortable.  I needed a job, so I took the position.  And I did hope it would lead to something permanent.  But I was also hoping it would be something in another office.  Even so, there are a lot of things about Calvin that I don’t like and don’t really want to support.  My dad evidently is pretty pissed off at the office for firing me without even letting me explain.  On one hand, I understand the office’s point.  They need someone now and 40 hours (or more) and they can’t wait.  I can’t do it, so I’m out.  On the other, I do understand his frustration.  Calvin did this to me once before as a student.  Why would they treat their staff any differently?  As a Christian institution, they sometimes act worse than some of the corporate places I’ve interacted with.

Either way, I’m without that job now.  But I figured out something.  I can’t work 40 hours a week and do everything else I need to do.  My oboe reed making business was suffering because I didn’t have time for it.  I didn’t have time for practicing or even thinking about gigging or teaching.  I worked, rushed to church, crammed in my 10 hours and crammed in some sleep.  There was absolutely no room for mistake or sickness or catchup.  It was too much, and I was getting to stressed and unhappy.  So while I’m upset, at the same time I’m not.  I’ve learned something from this all, so perhaps it really was for the best.

Something that still makes me mad is the concept that I’m not like other people.  I’m bipolar, and I’m struggling to figure out what exactly that means.  What does it look like in my life?  How can I survive with this?  It does affect my day-to-day living.  But I don’t think its so bad that I need to be on Medicare or unemployment or one of those leeches. (No, not everyone who uses those benefits are leeches.  I’m just afraid of turning into one.)  I should be able to earn my own living and stand on my own two feet and GO!

Right?