Words of Wisdom

 I don’t remember who said it, or where it was I first heard it.  But there’s that saying, "To find a friend, you have to be a friend."  I used to think it was stupid.  And I think it has its own flaws.  But it does ring true.  What I said in the last entry about being lonely in a crowded room still holds water.  But then I have to think about all the things I do, things I have control over, that put me in that position.  I sit in the far corner of the the classroom, away from everyone else.  I purposely sit alone at lunch.  I don’t talk to people, greet people, make attempts to remember their name.

So I’m trying to open up to people.  Not by telling them my life story, but to allow them to talk to me.  Listen to what they’re saying and really care, or create an honest response.  Try to pay attention to when they need me to talk and when they need to talk themselves.  I’m trying to be more open and friendly.

Cause really, I’m not a friendly person.  Once you are my friend, its another story.  But I don’t want to get to know everyone and hear their story and care and… I find it exhausting!  But thats where that saying "To find a friend, you have to be a friend."

So I went out on limb, took a leap of flying faith and asked one of the other seminarians if he wanted to have dinner at my place on Sat night.  Or lunch.  He’s living with his brother, sister-in-law and niece and I knew they were all out of town that weekend.  He said he was thinking about going to his parents’ for the weekend, but he did want to.

In the end, he didn’t come over cause an old high school friend was back in his hometown for just Friday night and he wanted to see his friend.  I don’t begrudge him that.  And I was sad that he wasn’t coming over.  Okay – I was upset.  I wanted company, I wanted to spend time with him.  I wanted to actually attempt to make a friend.  But he said maybe sometime this week we could have dinner.

So maybe, just maybe…  I might have a friend.  🙂