Grandma and Facebook
I know my grandmother is old and therefore her social filter (that filter between your mouth and your brain) has completely disintegrated. But even still. People complain about how online interaction through Facebook, myspace, Twitter and even OD breaks down the social niceities that usually must be observed. It even happens in texting. I saw a Law & Order where teenage girls were turning exceptionally vicious towards each other. All through texting and IMing. One of the girls interviewed talked about how saying something in a text or IM or in an online blog isn’t the same as saying it out loud, and admitting she wouldn’t say half the things she writes, types or texts.
Even so, that’s talking about teenage girls (and boys too I suppose). For the most part I’ve found my friends still adhere to some sort of social code. Though I definitely notice a changing trend with the incoming freshmen, becoming more like those vicious teens. But I’m not usually friends with those people. Its the wonderful thing about being an adult. You get to pick your friends.
Where the hell am I going with this?
On OD, there are somethings I want to say to another diarist, but don’t want everyone reading it. I’ll admit it. When I read another diarist’s entry, I usually read through the comments before posting my own. Partly cause they are there. And 90% of the time, I leave public notes. I’m not ashamed of what I say. But sometimes I don’t want other people reading a note intended just for the diarist, so the Private Note feature is most excellent.
Facebook really boogles my mind sometimes. And Twitter is beyond me. But on Facebook, you can have whole conversations on someone’s Wall, posting back and forth. In cyber world, this is the same as standing in a crowded room (a bar perhaps) and having a conversation. Everyone around you can hear and could weigh in should they so desire. They aren’t eavesdropping; the conversation is happening in a public place.
Its the same idea with people on cell phones. Someone is standing in line at the coffee shop while they are having a fight with their significant other. They are yelling into the phone and carrying on, then turn on anyone who seems to look like they are listening to closely. "Mind your own business!" Yet they continue to stand there and have the conversation. No one really wants to listen into your fight, but you are having in the middle of a public place! What do you expect?! When I need to have a fight on the phone, I’m in my apartment or bedroom, or somewhere away from people hearing me. Its part of the same reason why I don’t scream and yell and throw temper tantrums in public or in a close-quartered apartment or dorm room. I don’t want everyone and their sister knowing my business. But if I’m standing at the coffee counter, screaming into my phone, people are gonna know!
(Yes, I’m ranting and yes there is a point.)
Facebook makes me nuts because I’ve seen people have "fights" on their walls. Back and forth. With the News Feed feature, every single one of your FBook friends can "listen in" on your fight. Everyone knows whats going on, and everyone is in everyone else’s business. I had an issue with a girl here once. She borrowed my vacuum cleaner, broke it and lost some of the attachments. I tried calling her to ask her (nicely) about it, but she never called back. So I sent her a message on FBook, as it was my only means for communication. But I didn’t post on her wall how she’s a vacuum-breaking attachment stealing lunatic. I sent her a private message, something to remain between her and I. It didn’t need to get out of hand. She retaliated (cause the situation really needed retaliation) by posting some very lovely messages on my wall. They and she have since been deleted from my FBook, but still. Was that necessary? No. The whole FBook world didn’t need to know our business.
So back to my grandmother and her lack of social filter. She’s old. I get it. But I’m pretty tired of that being an excuse for her every bad behavior. She’s old and doesn’t get how FBook works. I still do not understand why my uncle insisted on making her an account, but whatever. I don’t care. She can see pictures and keep up on family – okay, whatever. But still.
(Finally getting to the catalyst for the rant.)
I posted a bunch of pictures yesterday on FBook. I am the worst about uploading pictures because it takes so long and its so annoying. But its been nearly a year since I last put photos up, and it was time. People have been asking. So I put them up. Since my grandmother is on FBook, I posted a picture taken over Christmas break with her, my other grandmother and me at the airport. Its the most recent (and perhaps only) picture of the three of us. Whatever. I thought it might make her happy. I tagged her in the photo so she would be able to find it. Sure, enough there was a comment left less than 24 hours after the picture went up. (Seriously, she needs a boyfriend or a hobby or something.) It had a question about when it was (couldn’t be that hard to remember could it? It was the last time I saw her. And she who swears she remembers everything. But my anger causes a digression.) and I commented with the answer back. She left another comment which sparked this whole anger thing. "OK, I sort of remember. I need some facial tucks. Way too wrinkley. Are you going to graduate?" Is she serious? Asking me that on a photo comment?! I was furious. I quickly realized my anger was probably a bit of an overreaction, but still.
I haven’t told everyone about the problems I’ve been having this semester. And as Jenny always tells me, its not really any of their business. None of them have the need-to-know about my life. Yes, they are family and they care about me. But if I don’t want them to know something, I don’t have to tell them. I told my mother the story to warn her in time for her trip down to FL to see my grandmother. My mother agreed that I don’t have to tell her anything and we agreed to leave it up to my father to tell his mother whatever he feels like. My mother pointed out that she doesn’t even tell Grandma everything that she and my father do. Which is annoying at times because my grandmother seems to have this idea that my mother has tons of free time. But then again, she’s never had a job outside the home, so how would she know? But not telling Grandma things has been somewhat of a motto in our house. More often than not, its not worth the aggrevation that it always seems to cause. And bottom line, its none of her damn business.
The thing that gets me is that I was planning on sending out a family email, letting them know whats going on. Well, after that I’m certainly not going to doit. And remembering my father’s reaction, I really don’t want to tell her. My father was pretty calm and patient, but he just kept saying "Just take the medication and it will all be fine." On one hand, he’s right, but there’s a lot more to it. I can’t get him to understand that. I know his mother’s reaction will not be anywhere near as patient or calm as his and will include a stern lecture if not flat-out insults. That’s all kinds of stress I just don’t need right now. So basically I’ve dove right back under the blankets and shut everyone out. I don’t need, want or seek their approval for my actions. I just want support. And with my grandmother how she is I probably won’t get it.