the sleepless night becomes bitter oblivion
"But first you have to control your mind, which means you have to control your attention."
I didn’t say that. A friend’s dream said that. (Long story, not mine to tell.)
Its odd what captures your thought process. I’ve been thinking about that sentence today. Controlling your attention. And I realized I have absolutely no control over my attention. I can’t even make it through a 30-minute sitcom without my attention wandering. Or getting bored with whatever I’m trying to do. Its not even really boredom. I can’t seem to focus. I can’t seem to control what I’m thinking about or looking at. Maybe I’m turning into my cat. All I want to do is sleep. For hours and hours and hours.
(Watch this as my attention wanders again.)
I was bitching today to Megan (again) about how Feather is really annoying. And all the many things she does that are annoying and piss me off. One of them is her unwilingness to get help for a problem she knows she has. If you can identify the problem and you know the solution, you should do it already. Or stop complaining about the problem. "The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem." Isn’t the second step getting help?
And aren’t I a fucking hypocrite? I know my problem right now. Well, I figured it out earlier today. I’m unbelieveably and oddly depressed. This is one of those not-normal-depressions, which makes it more annoying and stupid and in the end harder to deal with. I’ve lost focus, I don’t care and I’m sleeping all the time. The immediate problem of I’m tired pops up so I just sleep, hoping that when I wake, I’ll possess the energy and desire to do something. Then I can’t seem to focus on the problems and issues. So I wander around my apartment staring at things and doing absolutely nothing productive because I don’t care. Until I’m tired again, which invariably happens about 3 hours later. So I go back to sleep, again hoping I’ll be better later. "The sun’ll come out tomorrow!" What a dumb saying. Cause waiting for tomorrow’s sun never seems to work for me. Hoping that I’ll feel better later doesn’t seem to accomplish anything.
**sigh** Seriously, I’m just sick of being sick. Can’t I be normal? Can’t I just be fucking normal?
When your only friends are hotel rooms
Hands are distant lullabies
If I could turn around I would tonight
These roads never seemed so long
Since your paper heart stopped beating leaving me suddenly alone
Will daybreak ever come?
Who’s gonna call on Sunday morning?
Who’s gonna drive you home?
I just want one more chance
To put my arms in fragile hands
I thought you said forever
Over and over
A sleepless night becomes bitter oblivion
These thoughts run through my head
Over and over
Complaints of violins become my only friends
August evenings
Bring solemn warnings
To remember to kiss the ones you love goodnight
You never know what temporal days may bring
Laugh, love, live free and sing
When life is in discord
Praise ye the lord
Who’s gonna call on Sunday morning?
Who’s gonna drive you home?
I just want one more chance
To put my arms in fragile hands
I thought you said forever
Over and over
The sleepless night becomes bitter oblivion
These thoughts run through my head
Over and over
Complaints of violins become my only friends
I thought you said forever
over and over
The sleepless night becomes bitter oblivion
These thoughts run through my head
over and over
Complaints of violins become my only friends
I thought you said forever
over and over
These thoughts run through my head
Paperthin Hymn ~ Anberlin