the wrongs that make the words come to life

I think I’m growing.  It was unnerving and surprising to find Newfie’s name on that forum the other day, but it was quickly forgotten.  Rather than become stuck in the I-miss-him blues or what-ifs, it felt more like coming up against an old nearly forgotten memory.  One of those memories I’d much rather let fade into the past, but knowing full well that its still there.

Maybe the discovery of the forum was a warning for me.  A preemptive strike to prepare for today.  I’m sitting in my living room, enjoying a cup of coffee and the short calmness of my cat.  My phone dings.  A new text message from my least favorite Canadian.  Wonderful.  "Did you get rid of facebook?"  I deleted him as a friend 2 days short of a month ago.  For someone who claimed that I knew him better than nearly anyone, that I was one of his closest friends, that he wouldn’t leave me behind it took him long enough.  I know, I know.  I go longer not talking to Megan or Settle.  But they’ve had years of opportunities to prove themselves.  And Newfie knew that.  I’m not playing games.  He has this horrible habit of promising to show up, promising to be there and falling through.  So I know the only reason he’s contacting me now is that he needs something.

Wait a minute.  That sounds vaguely familiar.  Newfie is not the first boy to only call, only contact me when he needed something from me.  Wanted me to something.  The major difference between Newfie and Mike is that Mike gave me something in return.  Everytime he called, I knew the initial reason for his call which was usually followed by a visit.  But he only failed to follow through on a commitment once and had good reason.  Each call, each visit left me with something as well.  Yes, perhaps sometimes more questions.  But looking back now I never regret any of the times he called or visited.  I never felt my hopes dashed and my heart crushed the way I do when dealing with Newfie.

So while I was livid to get his text tonight, the anger didn’t last nearly as long as I thought it would.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m still mad and hurt and annoyed.  But now there is a level of humor and pity.  Facebook is a good tool, but it often annoys me that good, close friends use it as a ways of communication.  What’s wrong with email or god-forbid actual phone calls?  I don’t know if I missed the facebook craze because I didn’t go to college right away or what.  Perhaps its also because some of the important people in my life don’t communicate with facebook.  It can be a great networking tool, but in my mind it just doesn’t replace a phone call or even an email.  If you are a good and close friend of mine, you will have both of those things anyways.

So I find it only slightly pathetic that his only form of communication with me is through facebook.  I understand long-distance phone calls are expensive, but he’s got my email address too.  I almost feel sorry for him.

Either way, I feel proud of myself and how I ended up reacting.  Maybe I’m growing up.  Or growing more cynical.  Cause I really need to be more cynical.

I’m gonna make you bend and break
(It sent you to me without wait)
Say a prayer but let the good times roll
In case God doesn’t show… 
Let the good times roll

And I want these words to make things right
But it’s the wrongs that make the words come to life, 
"Who does he think he is?"
If that’s the worst you got
Better put your fingers back to the keys

One night and one more time
Thanks for the memories
Even though they weren’t so great; 
He tastes like you, only sweeter! 
One night, yeah, and one more time
Thanks for the memories, thanks for the memories; 
See, he tastes like you only sweeter! 

Been looking forward to the future
But my eyesight is going bad
And this crystal ball
Is always cloudy except for
When you look into the past
One night stand… 

One night and one more time
Thanks for the memories
Even though they weren’t so great; 
He tastes like you only sweeter! 
One night, yeah, and one more time
Thanks for the memories, thanks for the memories; 
See, he tastes like you only sweeter!

They say
I only think in the form of crunching numbers
In hotel rooms collecting page six lovers
Get me out of my mind
And get you out of those clothes
I’m a liner away
From getting you into the mood
Whoa

One night and one more time
Thanks for the memories
Even though they weren’t so great; 
He tastes like you but sweeter! 
One night, yeah, and one more time
Thanks for the memories, thanks for the memories; 
He, he tastes like you only sweeter! 

One night and one more time (One more night, one more time)
Thanks for the memories
Even though they weren’t so great; 
He tastes like you but sweeter! 
One night, yeah, and one more time (One more night, one more time)
Thanks for the memories, thanks for the memories; 
See, he tastes like you only sweeter!

Thanks for the Memories ~ Fall Out Boy