Nervous much?

I’ve never been this nervous before.  I was awake 30 minutes before my alarm went off.  My stomach is in knots and I almost couldn’t take my pills this morning.  My throat just didn’t want to swallow the juice.  I was going to go on campus and get breakfast before class, but the thought of food turns my stomach.  I feel like I’m about to burst into tears.  My shoulders are tensing up, even as I force them back to relax.  Now there’s an oxymoron.  Forcing yourself to relax.  I don’t know what to do to let go.  I’ve never been this nervous in my entire life.  Too much is weighing on this moment.  If I don’t pass this hearing, I can’t do my recital.  If I don’t do my recital, I can’t graduate.  If I don’t graduate, I can’t do to seminary.  If I don’t go to seminary, I don’t know what I’m going to do.  I want this too much.  Everything is weighing on this afternoon and those 4 people.  I’ve got 25 minutes and a stick of wood to get what I want.

I’ve never been this nervous.  Not once in my life.  I don’t know how to deal with this much nervousness.  Its a skill I never learned.  Never needed it.  Until today.