Ugh!

I love history.  Outside music, its one of my favorite subjects.  Seeing how one action leads to another to another to another.  My brain just works that way.  But remembering dates and spelling of names… or even spelling of commonly used words!  I’m horrible.  And there’s a lot of history to learn.  I have a test tomorrow afternoon and I’m completely unprepared.  We’re covering the time period from just when WW I started to a little into the Cold War.  There’s a lot of material to cover in those 40 years or so.  Just the Neutrality Acts of the 1930s are making my head spin.  I know this is college-level courses, but I miss high school!  You just needed the general idea.  Not the intricate details of everything and everyone.  It would help a little if I knew which 14 items he’s going to put on the exam.  (We pick 10.)  Or else if he would put 50 items on the exam.  Just a bigger range to choose from.  Cause he will probably ask about Article 51 of the UN Charter and the Neutrality Act of 1936.  There were four or five different Neutrality Acts before the US entered the war, each slightly different than the last.  And somehow I have to keep them straight.  Not to mention remember who were FDR’s foreign policy advisors and which countries they worked with.  Cause he could ask about the four of them as a group or pick on individually.  And we’re not even out of WW I yet!  There’s the global Depression, the second war, the peace time and build-up into the Cold War.  Thank God this is only American Foreign Policy and I don’t have to worry so much about American domestic issues!

So I’m cramming.  Well, its not really cramming.  Cramming implies that I’ve done nothing up to this point and now attempting to catch up on everything.  This is not true.  I’m just starting to freak out and go over everything.  I stayed up until 6:30 this morning, not really knowing how late/early it was until The Young Blonde One came downstairs.  Her finger is still bugging her, but I’m sorry to say I have little sympathy for her.  I’m pretty sure I lost $100 this week because I didn’t make it to church on time.  I didn’t make it on time because I was in the hospital with her.  This is one of the annoying things about this job.  There are a million things I now do OUTSIDE what my contract asks of me.  My contract says I get paid to conduct the choir and play the services.  Now I’m picking out hymns, writing service programs, organizing and running meetings, chasing down the pastor to do things.  I spend as much time working on things outside of church as I do at the service itself.  I’m trying to find a nice way to ask for a raise in January.  My contract is up in December, so we’re drawing up a new one.  It’s only until I leave, but still.  I’m doing way more now.  I suppose I don’t need more money, but I’d rather have a fixed monthly salary rather than a service-pay.  I only get paid when I actually play a service.  But I usually do more work on weeks when I’m not actually there!

Anyways – All that mixed with lack of sleep, stress about my English class, our upcoming concert next week, practicing and prepping for my senior recital, physical therapy and the Seminary application I haven’t looked at in days – I’m pretty much a wreck.  I feel like I’m about to burst into tears any minute.  I’m also nauseous and my asthma seems to be all whacked out.  My dad sent me some music and other things on Friday, which arrived in the mail today.  Inside the envelope was a twenty dollar bill with a note attached "Go have fun with something."  It made me wanna cry.  He can be so sweet and nice sometimes.

Bah.  Today is just not a good day.  I’m trying to refrain from biting people’s heads off and I’ve mostly succeeded.  Although the band grad student got it today.  He called me by my full name.  There are very few people who can call me by my full name and get away with it.  I corrected him, well, a bit harshly.  I don’t hate my name.  I actually really love it.  But its a privledge to call me that.  I suppose its a difference in me.  For most people, they only allow friends the honor of using a nickname.  For me, its the other way around.  Anyone can call me by my nickname.  But you’ve got to be pretty special to call me by my full name and get away with it.  Stupid jerk.

I really should get some sleep tonight, but I’ve got too much studying to do!  At least FDR is now dead and Truman is President.  Progress, people, progress…..