if you see a change in me don’t wonder

Twelve in12

Reading
Darkling ~ Yasmine Galenorn
The Saxon Shore ~ Jack Whyte
Uther ~ Jack Whyte

Finished
Mirror, Mirror ~ Gregory Macguire
Witchling ~ Yasmine Galenorn
Changeling ~ Yasmine Galenorn
Something Wicked ~ Catherine Mulvany
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince ~ J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows ~ J.K. Rowling
Myst: Book of Atrus ~ Rand Miller, Robyn Miller and David Wingrove
The Game of Kings ~ Dorothy Dunnett
The Other Boleyn Girl ~ Philippa Gregory

THE DATES: Thursday – Saturday, Oct 9 – 11

THE MILEAGE: apprx. 1050 miles

THE STATES:New York, Pennsylvannia, Ohio, Michigan and back

THE PARTICIPANTS: Myself, Mouse and Charlotte (my car)

THE MISSIONS:

1. See Cleveland Orchestra perform Beethoven’s Fifth

2. See Lulorial and her new apartment

4. Visit Calvin Seminary

5.  Decide my future

That’s the short and quick way to explain what I did over Fall Break.  I left Western NY after noon on Thursday, drove to PA and picked up Mouse.  From there we drove into Cleveland, met up with Lulorial and her friends from BGSU for dinner and a concert.  Then followed, well more like led, her back to Bowling Green to spend the night.  I drive a little faster than she does.  Mouse and I listened to music and talked most of the way.  Most amazing moment of that night (besides the whole concert thing) happened while we were driving.  Keep in mind Ohio is flat.  The sky stretches on FOREVER!  Seriously, there’s more sky than land.  I think its the most beautiful thing next to my Hudson River Valley.  So Mouse and I are zipping along the highway, talking a mile a minute.  I’m watching the stars a little as I drive, cause lets be honest, the road is straight and flat.  I don’t really need to stare at that.  I see a fast moving light, which I first assume is a plane.  Then I realize its heading straight towards the earth and then disappears.  I had stopped in the middle of my sentence to stare in awe.  Mouse saw it too and as soon as it vanished, she and I started, "Did you just see that?!"  It was so cool!

So Thursday night was in Ohio with Lu at her new place.  We stayed awake as long as possible, before crashing into bed about 2am.  Mouse and I departed right on time at 7:30am, where Lu got up, said goodbye and went back to bed.  We drove while watching the sunrise, which in the flatness of Ohio was beautiful.  The drive was going great, and we were basically earlier than our schedule, until we hit Ann Arbor.  Somehow got turned around and off the highway.  We ended up driving through downtown, right past the Michigan University campus.  Got turned around but eventually on a highway.  Except it was the wrong highway.  So I pulled over, we consulted a map and figured out a game plan.  I had an appointment at Calvin at 11am.  Had we not gotten lost, things would have worked out so much better.  Instead we pulled onto campus just shy of 11am, then took forever trying to locate a parking spot.  Thankfully I had a number and was able to call and let them know I’d be a few minutes late.  Everything turned out alright in the end.  Had lunch with my cousins after the meeting.  Meet with the Registrar while Mouse did devos and a nap in the car.  Joan (Registrar) even took me on a little tour of the Seminary and I met one of the professors.  It was Friday afternoon, so I knew the place would be quiet, but that was really alright with me!  After that meeting, I went back to the car and got Mouse.  We took our instruments and headed to the FAC (music building) where I tracked down my old orchestra conductor, Nordling.  Amazing, amazing man.  And he remembered me!  He had been informed by a little birdie that I was considering the Seminary and was elated to see me.  It really was wonderful to see him.  Mouse and I got some practicing in before heading to my aunt and uncle’s for dinner.  They also had invited a recent graduate of the same program I’m going to be in, so we were able to talk and discuss the pros and cons of the program and the resulting degree.  All day long, I could feel the Devil’s Advocate getting smaller and smaller until I could no longer see him.  He has reappeared and is making ridiculously silly arguments, so I’ve choosen to ignore him until he’s got something better.

Firday night was spent with the family before heading to bed.  Or rather the downstairs where Mouse and I sat up until after 1am talking.  I seriously love that girl!  Thankfully Saturday was not an early start, and we enjoyed a leisurely breakfast with my aunt before leaving a little before noon.  Unfortunately the laryngitis I had been suffering most of the week finally made its way into a full-blown cold (which has now progressed to bronchitis).  I was miserable driving across Michigan and eventually had to stop for drugs.  Thankfully the exit I chose had a CVS on one of those blue highway signs and was easy to find.  I got Tylenol cold medicine, tissues with lotion and Vicks (most amazing things every!), cough drops and hand sanitizer.  We returned to Bowling Green for some more quality time with Lulorial and easily fell back into our Small Brain Oboe antics.  We departed around 7pm for Mouse’s house, which was about 4 1/2 hours away.  I was still not feeling my best, and allowed Mouse to drive.  She did very well and Charlotte did not seem to complain too much.  We were driving through her town, when she noticed her father’s car parked outside their church.  So we decided to stop, see her dad and show me the inside.  Except it was not her dad, it was her mother whom we scared half to death by knocking on the window.  Once we’d gotten inside, Mouse commented that she didn’t think about how scary a knock at one of the church’s basement windows might be, especially when it happens at 11:30 at night.  Oh well.  We helped her mom set up for a few things and then returned to Mouse’s house.  I ended up hanging out there until nearly 1am.  Her mother was making food for Sunday after church and her father was still up as well.  It was most enjoyable and now easy to see where Mouse gets her…. Mouse-like qualities from.  I kept having to remind myself that Momma Mouse came first, not the other way around.  I didn’t get back to home until nearly 3am where I was g

reeted by a very lonely Cale.  I could tell she missed me greatly.  Its wonderful to be loved and missed.

Now the work starts.  I’ve got to get my classes and anxiety under control.  I’ve been hiding it pretty well but I’ve really been struggling with this anxiety in the morning.  I can’t get out of the apartment.  I have to spend most of the morning convincing myself to get out of bed, then it takes forever to convince me to get to campus for classes.  Gah.  If I want this Seminary thing to work out, I need to get help and sort through all this.  And fast.  I was doing so well… 🙁  I’m also working on my application essays, which are tougher to write than I thought.  I didn’t have to do essays for undergrad.

So my list of things to do is long.  And my struggle with this anxiety is getting harder.  Something has got to give and I’ll get there eventually.

If you see a change in me don’t wonder
There’s someone in my life
And peace I can’t describe
For I’ve been reborn
If you see a change in me don’t wonder
I’ve found a whole new life
And hope that I can’t hide
For I’ve been reborn

Have you ever felt a longing
A searching, within your soul
You want something more
But you don’t know what for
There’s One who will reach across the distance
From the heavens to the earth
Because He loves you
He loves you

If you see a change in me don’t wonder
There’s someone in my life
And peace I can’t describe
For I’ve been reborn
If you see a change in me don’t wonder
I’ve found a whole new life
And hope that I can’t hide
For I’ve been reborn

Have you ever felt that something
is missing within your soul
You want something more,
but you don’t know what for
There is only One you need,
but you’ve got to believe
That He loves you enough
to give His life

If you see a change in me don’t wonder
There’s someone in my life
And peace I can’t describe
For I’ve been reborn
If you see a change in me don’t wonder
I’ve found a whole new life
And hope that I can’t hide
For I’ve been reborn

Reborn ~ Rebecca St. James