i might have been delirious

Twelve in12

Reading
Queen’s Play ~ Dorothy Dunnett
The Other Boleyn Girl ~ Philippa Gregory
Myst: The Book of Ti’ana ~ Rand Miller

Finished
Mirror, Mirror ~ Gregory Macguire
Witchling ~ Yasmine Galenorn
Changeling ~ Yasmine Galenorn
Something Wicked ~ Catherine Mulvany
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince ~ J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows ~ J.K. Rowling
Myst: Book of Atrus ~ Rand Miller, Robyn Miller and David Wingrove
The Game of Kings ~ Dorothy Dunnett

 

So last I wrote was on Sunday.  It feels like weeks ago.  After the last entry, I returned to packing and moving.  In the afternoon my mother called to inform me that she was sending help.  A friend from our church has a son who will be attending my college in the fall.  This week was his orientation time.  Sue and Eric saw my mother at church and heard of my craziness.  They offered to help out in exchange for a restaurant reference.  So they arrived sometime in the evening and we moved a lot of stuff.  They took me out to dinner and then moved even more stuff.  It was great to have the help and a lot was accomplished.  They left around 10 so not to miss the locking of the dorms where they were staying.  I continued working.  I decided I would rather finish all the moving before I slept so once I woke up all I needed to do was leave.  I finished all the moving around quarter to seven Monday morning.  I had been taking trips to Tim Horton’s every two hours for iced coffees, but they didn’t even keep me away once I laid down on my air mattress.  I slept for about four hours, then got up and packed up my car with the things that were to return home with me.  In the process, of course, I found more things that needed to go to the new apartment and walked them over.  I threw out the trash and vacuumed the apartment, before locking that door for the last time.  I brought my keys to my landlord and chatted with her for a bit.  I had been dying for a cigarette from the stress, but didn’t want to buy a whole pack nor start while the packing was still going on.  Now that it was all done, I bummed one off my landlord and we sat outside chatting.  She said the maintenance guy had seen me up at 6 that morning and asked if I had packed all night.  She couldn’t believe I was planning on driving across the state on so little sleep. 

I pulled out of town at 3pm on the nose.  I made two stops, for coffee and gas, and pulled into my driveway at 9:30pm.  My parents helped me unpack the few things that I needed for the night and I caught up with my mom a bit.  I was so beyond tired, but I had to wait up for Heather.  She arrived around 11:30 and then we sat up talking until almost 1am.  I got up when my mother left at 8am and Heather took off then too.  I started working on setting up my bedroom and getting rid of the smell left by its previous occupant.  I had to find concrete blocks in the garage to lift my desk back up to its normal height, and then figure out where my TV would go.  I also started to organize where I was going to keep all my stuff.  Its difficult to go from a two-bedroom apartment to a single room in someone else’s house.  Things have shifted in my parents house too, where they keep things and how they do things.  Its hard to find how I fit back in.  I was so tired on Tuesday from all the moving and the lack of sleep.  I still hadn’t really caught up.  I discovered my parents don’t get BBC America, so I won’t be able to have my Saturday nights.  At this point I was so tired and really missed my apartment, I just lost it and started crying.  My shoulder was hurting again and I wanted to go home.  I hadn’t really accepted the fact that I was back in my hometown for the summer yet.  My parents do have digital cable so I’ll be looking into trying to order that channel or that show or something.  I need my BBC America Saturday nights.  They are my sanity.

I worked Tuesday night, sitting at the staff lodge.  I brought my book with me and read quite a bit of it.  Looking over the schedule, I have a lot of nights in the All-Staff, so lots of reading!  I’m nearly halfway through my book.  Lee Andra and Phil came up and hung out for a bit.  They brought my up to date on some of the newer rules and gossip.  I got the feeling Lee was annoyed with me or something.  I’m really not sure.  She’s been a little moody lately according to Phil, so I decided not to worry about it.  They didn’t stay long, which was fine with me.  I got a chance to catch up on phone calls and spoke to Newfie.  He’s not coming to NY, but he promises he’s coming to Fredonia in October.  I’ll believe it when I see it.  He also claims to have a package ready to go to the post office with an actual letter, my West Wing Season 5 and some other little gifts.  He’s also promised to call, but I’m no longer holding my breath.  I still miss him so much its sometimes hard to breath and think about.  So I try not to think too much about it.  But the surprise of the night was Bubba calling to see if I wanted company.  He came up and played cards with me for the last hour.  He knows how stressful the weekend was for me – more so than anyone else in Ops.  This may be why Lee was annoyed with me.  I wasn’t there for camp opening, which is the most work.  But sorry – I h

ave a life outside camp which is more important.  Whatever.  But Bubba made me laugh and smile and relax a little bit.  He also helped me close up the place and lock the door.  Then I drove about 25 mins to meet my parents and cousins at a restaurant, where I picked off the left-overs on their plates.  It worked out fine because I got a little bit of salad, steak, potatoes, green beans and stuffed salmon.  Not too much of anything, but enough to fill me up.  Also meant no left-overs.  We didn’t get home until nearly 11, and then organizing and arranging for the next day.  Greg and my father were getting up early to watch trains and Mary and my mother were going to just hang out.  I decided not to go with the boys.  I was tired and really jittery that night.  So I took Tylenol PM and some Seroquel.  Neither a full dose, but enough to knock me out.  So the next morning, it was difficult for me to get up.  But in all honesty I didn’t need to get up as early as they did.  My dad was giving me crap for sleeping so late, which pissed me off.  Especially when I discovered it was barely 10am.  Just because he and my mother have been getting up at 6am every morning doesn’t mean the rest of the world will be up.  Not to mention I was working that night.  DeeDee and I had planned to have lunch together, so she came over around noon.  We chatted, made lunch and then continued to talk.  She didn’t leave until nearly 5:30pm, which was fine, but I didn’t get to practice or nap or make dinner or take a shower or really anything I had planned to do.  I had to be into work at 6:30pm.  I was already tired, so I made a thermos of coffee and went off to work – driving the night bus.  I only stopped driving twice – once for a bathroom break and once to call a director about a stupid issue.  Otherwise, I was driving up to camps and down to town.  I put 125 miles on that van and didn’t turn in the keys until 1am.  I was so exhausted.  At this point, I was even more annoyed with my father for bitching at me about not getting up.  He and my mother are in bed by 10pm, which is why they can be up at 6am.  But when you’re working until 1am, and then need to drive home and clean the house, you don’t want to be woken early.  So I’m a little annoyed with him because this is going to continue all summer long.  I won’t get up as early as he’ll want and he’ll throw a fit.  Yet another reason why I wish I was back home.

The driving until 1am wouldn’t have been so bad if I didn’t have to work the next morning.  I was supposed to be in the office by 8am.  Which means leaving by 7:30am.  To take a shower, make lunch, eat breakfast, throw in the next load of laundry, feed cat and do all those morning things I needed to be up no later than 6:30.  So I was even more pissed at my father when I had yet another night of only a few hours of sleep.  I’m good for one or two nights of little sleep.  But I feel like I’ve gone over a week without a good night’s sleep.  That begins to wear.  And today was the breaking point both physically and mentally.  My shoulder radiated pain across my back all day long.  At one point I went to pick up a stack of papers and couldn’t do it.  I nearly dropped them but thankfully Phil grabbed them.  I was nearly in tears the pain was so bad.  I was popping Tylenol left and right, which did nothing more than take the edge off.  The pain was still there and very present.  I was tired and cranky and in unbelievable pain.  People kept asking how I was doing and it took all my willpower not to snap their heads off.  Especially the directors because it was their new stupid rules that kept me out until 1am with the bus run.  When Alicia asked how I could be so tired after only two days of work, in that tone of voice, I almost bit her head off.  I know they all work hard, but I’m willing to bet dollars to donuts she’d gotten more than 6 hours of sleep all weekend long and didn’t carry a quarter of the weight I did – not to mention driving across the state and then another 100 plus miles the night before.  OooOOooo – I was pretty livid at that point.  Thank God I was going to the back and could cool off for a moment.  Tomorrow should be better as Rosemary won’t be there – She’s another headcase.  The office isn’t fully open cause its a holiday and there’s no mail.  Hopefully nothing crazy will happen and I can spend most of the day reading my book and answering the occassionally phone call.

Of course, if I end up taking more Vicodin in the morning, it could make for a very interesting day!

In light of my present mess
In light of my mental weather’s turn
In light of all the crash and burn
I’ll open my mind as wide as ever
The line behind the lesson
Soul in the open well
It might have been fate
It might have been fortune
It might have been wine and a mellow head

I’m finding my way
Finding the words
One body breaking
Someone come and rise up
Rise like the sun
You’ll find the world
Somebody save me
Someone come and rise up
Rise up and hold me now

I know that at times life kinda hurts
I know that I will live and learn
So more than survive
I will endeavour
The mind behind the message
Alone on an ocean swell
It might have been great
It might have gorgeous
It might have been why I’ve settled in

I’m finding my way
Finding the words
One body breaking
Someone come and rise up
Rise like the sun
You’ll find the world
Somebody save me
Someone come and rise up
Rise and show

A helpless man
A held out hand
Defining images
That flow through my hope
Surrender the broken moments
And pointing fingers
The closing of open minds
I might have been delayed
I might have been delirious
I might have been otherwise
Taking hammer blows
Like an animal
For others

So heavy was my way

I’m finding my way
Finding the words
One body breaking
Someone come and rise up
Rise like the sun
You’ll find the world
Somebody save me
Someone come and rise up

I’m finding my way
I’m finding my words
I’m one body breaking
Someone come and rise up
Rise like the sun
You’ll find the world
Somebody save me
Someone come and rise up
Rise and show

Show us
Something

Like the Sun ~ I Mother Earth