blood or dead bodies

So its like 6:30 in the morning and I just turned in my computer science exam. Only took me about 9 hours to finish. I can’t believe these tests take so long! I can’t believe I’m still awake! My stomach hurts and I’m utterly exhausted. I’m supposed to go to Buffalo to pick The Guy up in a few hours. Although he’s not really The Guy anymore. He’s still hung up on his ex-girlfriend. There’s nothing wrong with that, but I’m not getting involved with a guy who is in that position. Its got heartache written all over it and I just don’t need that right now. I don’t need a lot of stresses right now. School starts Monday and I’m already completely freaking out. I’ve already decided not to do a recital this semester. I was going to, but I honestly can’t handle that right now. Seriously, I’d go insane. Between scheduling and accompanist needs…Its all stress I don’t need. I think I’ll still prep all the music, but I just don’t have the energy to do a recital. I’m exhausted and school hasn’t even started. This comptuer class is slowly killing me and melting my brain. I mean, seriously – What kind of class has exams that take 9 hours to finish? Granted I took a few breaks to make coffee, use the bathroom and flip the DVDs. But that was about it. What is so horrid about this class, is that it continues into next week. There won’t be a break between the J-Term and the Spring semester. I actually wouldn’t mind the lack of break, except its not just that. Its overlapping the start of the spring semester. I don’t know that I’ll be able to keep this pace when the semester starts. I spend 10-12 hours a day studying. That doesn’t account for the time I spend cooking, showering and letting my brain restart. I feel like I’m running on two neurons. Those neurons burn out and so I take a break to recharge them. But I need to keep working, so as soon as two neurons have recharged, I start working again, burning out quicker each time. The material for this class is also way above my head. I don’t understand computer programming languages or how it all works. I’ve always thought that computers are way more complicated than they need to be, but I usually chalk it up to the fact that I don’t understand computers and thats okay. I feel like I’m hanging onto the monkey bars by my finger tips and ever so often the professor comes along and steps on my fingers. Seriously, for every step I take forward, she pushes me back 5 or 6 steps. I’m barely keeping my head above water and I’ve been reduced to using bad cliches too.

Okay, so I need to be awake in 2 hours to drive to get The Guy and then do the ensemble auditions (hopefully my reeds work!) before I can collapse. A bunch of people want to go out for drinks tomorrow night…or rather tonight but I think if I go I’ll fall asleep at the bar before Dustin gets a chance to pour my drink! This should be an interesting day.

My away message of the day has been: “If you bother me, there had better be blood or dead bodies. Actually if its a dead body, don’t bother. It’ll still be dead later.”