while sitting in the airport…

twelve in 12: twelve books in twelve months

Twelve in12

Reading
The Game of Kings ~ Dorothy Dunnett
Pride and Prejudice ~ Jane Austen
Sentimental Education ~ Gustave Flaubert

Finished
Mirror, Mirror ~ Gregory Macguire
Witchling ~ Yasmine Galenorn
Changeling ~ Yasmine Galenorn
Something Wicked ~ Catherine Mulvany
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince ~ J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows ~ J.K. Rowling
Myst: Book of Atrus ~ Rand Miller, Robyn Miller and David Wingrove

Written by hand on 1/17/08 at 5:00pm

I’m sitting at the airport in Florida waiting for my plane. A new favorite Avalon wrote an entry called Conditioning that got me thinking. If you have to stamina, follow through the windmills of my mind…

I have a low tolerance for stupidity. Stupid people are basically those who don’t know the extent of their ignorance. Or rather who don’t admit they are ignorant about some things. No one can know everything. There is too much knowledge for any one person to consume and understand it all. I have no problem with ignorant people. Ignorant people recognize the extent of their knowledge. They know they don’t know everything and accept that, while always trying to understand what they don’t. Stupid people also don’t think. They say or do whatever pops into their head without first thinking it through. Now some people can’t help it. I mean, really can’t help it. How would you feel if you didn’t have a frontal lobe? I don’t blame them, or include them in this category. And I acknowledge we’ve all done or said something stupid. We are human and we will make mistakes. Okay. Again: I have a low tolerance for stupidity. Also, this: True wisdom is to know the extent of one’s ignorance. This is key. Knowing and recognizing your ignorance is a big step. Once you accept you don’t know something, you open yourself up to the possibility of actually learning something. You can dispel you ignorance! At least a little bit.

Do you remember in school when they asked you to compare and contrast two things, for example, two characters? I really actually enjoyed it back then and still do today. With real people and especially my friends. I overanalyze everything, I know, but I often can learn something about myself by doing do. I also like to study other people’s relationships. Sometimes I can see right off the bat why they are friends (or lovers). Other times I don’t get it. Or I don’t understand how their relationship works. DISCLAIMER: At the end of the day, I do accept that if they are happy, that’s all that matters. Even if I don’t understand. Take my parents. They have been together for over 30 years and clearly all my life. But there are things I never understood about them.

My mother said to me once that my father was the head of the household and she vowed to follow him wherever he points. She added that he vowed to take care of her, her needs and to protect her. Now I’ve always viewed my mother as a strong, indepentdent woman. I think that’s what really upset me. I saw her giving herself up to do as my father says. My imperfect father. (He is human. He makes mistakes.) I didn’t understand, but I’d come to accept it. It makes them happy and clearly they’ve managed to stay happily married. I may not get it, but that doesn’t make it wrong.

After reading Avalon’s entry, I think I finally understand. Avalon talked about missing Sir, which I’ve heard my mother say about my father when he travels. But as Sir pointed out, he has conditioned Avalon to be this way. SIDENOTE: The feminist in me doesn’t like the word “conditioned” but the woman in me says it was not done without consent and to shut up. I agree with the latter. But how is that conditioning any different from my parents? At its most basic level, my mother needs my father, just like Avalon needs Sir. They both stepped into the relationship with consent. They were not hypnotized, nor tricked. Both women are strong and, in their own way, independent. Maybe independent is the wrong word. Maybe a better word is free. I don’t know.

But his revelation, that these two woman whom I admire so much, these two women who seen so different, are actually so similar has opened my eyes. It has opened my eyes not only to the S&M lifestyle a little, but also to my own desires. Now I will probably never have a life like either of these women. And that’s okay. I am different from them. But yet, I am the same.

I always thought I wanted a very masculine man. Football, beer and low sensitivity. Okay – maybe that’s a bit extreme, but I didn’t think I wanted an effeminante man. But after dating Mike (MANLY MAN) I realized I didn’t want that either. What I do want is what both my mother and Avalon have found. They found a man who protects them and instructs them, but really has their best interests at heart.

……………….Hmmmmm………………

I just figured something else out. A number of years ago, I was talking in Bible study about my problems with my parents marriage and my mother’s position. A friend of mine said thats what she wanted too. I couldn’t comprehend it. I kept asking, “What if he tells you to do something you believe, something you know is wrong?” I used the example of abortion (cause in a Christian bible study, it was something we all agreed was wrong – but that’s not the point.) Our leader, Deb, said that a husband wouldn’t do that because he is supposed to protect us. But I pushed the point. He’s supposed to. Men are human, too. They can make wrong decisions, too. How can I let some guy make all the decisions?! Deb looked at me a little sadly and said in a soft voice, “You really don’t trust anyone, do you?” I didn’t really understand what she meant and we let the subject drop.

I’ve been told this before, that I don’t trust people. And I know it is true, but I didn’t realize how far it went. I don’t want a masculine man or an effeminate man. I want a man I can trust. I want to find someone I can be totally submissive to, just like Avalon and my mother have found. Yes, their lifestyles are different and the forms of their submission manifest themselves differently. But their total and complete trust in their man is the same. And their man’s total and complete devotion to them is the same.

Avalon – that sacred, secreted place where Christianity meets with the Ancient Ways and they speak the same Truth. The place where Trust can help shine a light on Ignorance. I am in awe.

Phoenix poet

January 19, 2008

This is very interesting. I’m a constant compare/contrast thinker as well. I always try to relate things, or see them from other angles. I could never understand that relinquishing power- because that’s what it is, that many people do once married, until I married David. He makes a lot of the big decisions, and I trust him to do so because I know that if I have any concerns, or if I don’t think it’s a good idea, he’ll listen. He’s not perfect, but he does everything within his power to take the best care me, and our family. It’s very hard to understand from the outside looking in, because there’s manym many things that anyone outside never sees. RYN: I slept all day yesterday after work, and I slept in late this morning and other then the hives, I’m feeling much better. I think the party will go okay. Once there, David will have a good time I think since one of the people we work with that he really likes will be there. Hugs, John

Shazar

January 21, 2008

RYN: Hahaha, you know what, while you were rocking out to WoW and your superhero debate, I was quering my co-workers as to who would kick who’s ass: Xmen or the Transformers. I vouched for Wolverine being able to take out Megatron! 😀 And Pokemon would definitely take out Sailor Moon… that Legendary Pokemon anyway, from the movie!

InOnJesus

January 22, 2008

my parents are the same way and i always wondered why they are like that. my dad makes all the decisions and my mom trusts him. im not sure how that can work either. like you, i just want a man that i can trust like too because having the man make all the decisions like that is scary! and i dont know why women cant make the decisions! but i guess in the bible

InOnJesus

January 22, 2008

it really does talk about how the man is supposed to be head of the houshold and the supporter so ive just learned to accept it..although it is very frustrating. and sorry about the 2 notes..i couldnt everything in one!

I read Avalon’s entry and Sir’s response to the way she was feeling freaked me out a bit. I’m all about equality in a relationship, as much as possible anyway. I suppose it freaked me out because I don’t understand why a woman would want to be “conditioned” -however it was meant, but like you said…whatever makes you happy. RYN: I don’t know if your question was a general one or if you were referring to me specifically. If you were referring to me, I certainly didn’t intend to group you together with Mrs. Nuthouse there. That’d be crazy. The only ‘lumping’ together I will do of Christianity, or any religion really, is to say that moderate Christianity allows for the more fundamental forms of Christianity. That doesn’t mean that the people who follow moderate Christianity have anything in common with those fundamentalists – other than, perhaps, the core tenets of Christianity.

That’s not what I meant, no. I don’t think that there are moderates out there saying “yep, those extremists are alright”. What I meant was that moderate Christianity, not those who follow it, makes way for more extreme versions of Christianity. Say moderate Christianity didn’t exist, it’d be impossible for extremism to exist, but if it did, without the moderate views, then it wouldn’t be stated asextreme…but rather just the way it is. If I’m going to be against fundamental Christianity, it seems hypocritical of me to ignore moderate Christianity. Kind of like how I should be against alcohol period, if I have problem with alcohol abuse. No alcohol, no problems. As for generalizing, I’ve always thought it possible to speak negatively about Christianity without saying anything negative about Christians themselves, and then focus on certain people more specifically the more extreme their views become (such as Phelps). But maybe that’s bullshit, maybe I can’t attack Christianity in general without attacking Christians in general. If that’s the case though, that sucks, because there are churches out there with good messages that don’t follow Christianity to a T, such as the…

United Church, which does so many good things within society. If every church was like that, I probably wouldn’t have a thing to say, but unfortunately they aren’t.

I should really make it a rule to not debate religion with people smarter than me. Im glad we got into this because I never wouldve realized what a stupid argument I made about how moderate Christianity allows for more extreme versions Christianity. But isnt it possible that those other examples, such as extreme use of cars, and my example of alcohol, trivialize the implications religions have on the world? Its one thing to say that abuse of painkillers is bad because it could destroy your life (a single life) and quite another to say that religious extremism is bad, and to equate the two, I think, would be a mistake. Many church groups (as well as other religions. I pick on Christianity because Im more familiar with it than other religions) are so adamant in their beliefs that a lot of it borders on out right hatred for those things they arent familiar with. I mean, consider the views Muslims have toward Jews and vice versa. Those two groups want to annihilate each other. Extreme religious beliefs have caused mass genocide and war all over the world, and in some cases also caused by misguided moderates.

Im not trying to get into a debate about whether or not wed be better off without religion, I just wanted to point out that my example of alcohol abuse was stupid. ☺ This is another debate too I think, but moderate churches hold a lot of the same beliefs as the more extreme churches hold (pro-life, anti-gay, hell if you dont accept Jesus), which is why I dont think that moderate churches should just be left alone, un-criticized. I dont think that Ive ever said peaceful religious believers are essentially the same as those who give religion a bad name, but if I have it wasnt my intent. I try to criticize Christianity itself in all its forms and those who run Christianity (the Vatican, Ted Haggard, those in charge of churches) because I think that they have seriously lost their way and need to be reminded what Christianity was supposed to be meant for. Sometimes, when someone like myself spouts off about this topic, believers tend to get caught in the middle and really, its not their fault. Theyre just looking for some type meaning.

Which brings me back to my earlier question (because Im quite interested to know your answer): Is it possible to criticize, or even attack, Christianity or Islam without doing the same to Christians or Muslims? P.S. this conversation has not helped much in my endeavor to quit smoking!

Shazar

January 31, 2008

This is a phenomenal insight Rory! Since I’m daily friends with Sir/ Avalon, I never see their relationship in the S&M context, I simply accept it as their natural relationship. So when I read this, I had to step back, and re-evaluate my own perceptions of them. The great thing about Men (the ones you can trust, who are steel and velvet simultaneously) is that they are are only guardians of theWoman that yields to them. The feminine strength is not dismissed, it is tempered. Ehh, I get into the mythologies too easily, sorry. Seek out the Man that can tame you and free you at the same time. 🙂