me and my cigarettes and alcohol tonight

Twelve in12

Currently Reading: Mirror, Mirror by Gregory Macguire

Date:Tuesday, 10/30/2007Time:1:23 AMMood Level:NormalSeverity:NormalAnxiety:1=MildIrritability:2=ModerateHours Slept:8 HoursMedication:75mg Lamictal

So I ventured out from hibernation today. I didn’t really want to. I was perfectly happy hiding out in my apartment and not facing, well, anything. I had a nasty headache and I didn’t want to get out of bed. I haven’t left my apartment since Shazar left on Monday. Actually, really since the concert on Sunday.

There is a certain level of mystery, of things left unknown, when interacting with people on the internet, on OD. As well as you think you know someone through this medium, it becomes something completely different and new when you finally meet face to face. I’m not sure what I was expecting, but it was not excatly what I got. It wasn’t better or worse than my imagination, just different. Things never go as you imagine. In real life, the misconceptions of the internet fall away. The truth of life comes to light.

I think he and I are more different than I ever realized. We view life completely differently. We experience life completely differently. This are not bad things, they are just differences between us. The weekend for me was very odd. I was going through a lot. And only now I’m starting to sort through all of it. But only a little at a time. And I’ve got to say – 2am is not the time to do it.

On another note, Rob is back in town and I got to see him today. I love that kid to death. He gave me the biggest hug when I saw him. I got another one when he left after House tonight. I know he and Heather are not on the best of terms right now, but honestly I could care less. Its almost nice because he’s not such a puppy dog. He needs some tough love, and although Heather talks a lot of smack, she can not give it out. So tomorrow is a night of attempting to duck Heather and having fun with my friends. I just don’t want to deal with her every day and every night. This is why we won’t be roommates. She annoys me.

Honestly everyone annoys me after too much time. I’m afraid that I will never be completely open with people because they eventually really annoy me. Not sure why, but everyone gets under my skin after some time. And by the by – I split a cigarette with Dana on Saturday, but I haven’t had one since then. And oh goodness, I really REALLY want one!!

Records on the floor.
I’m giving back whats yours
remember us last weekend
dancing to the psychedelic furs.

I tried to tell myself
that we could be alright.
now it’s me and my
cigarettes and alcohol tonight.

So screen all the phone calls
and put the chain on the front door.
and if you see her
tell her I don’t live here anymore.

Driving neighbors crazv
with after hour fights
everything makes more sense
thank God that we broke it off that night.

Holding on to you
is like playing with broken glass.
I’m fighting off the memories
and all the living in the past.

The post cards in the drawer
The pictures on the wall.
The sound of little footsteps
that echo through the hall.

sound like a heart beat.
It’s like a heart beat
It’s like a heart break beat
and it’s beating out of me.

So screen all the phone calls
and put the chain on the front door.
and if vou see her
tell her I don.t live here anymore.

So pull all the shades down
and turn off the radio.
and if you see her
tell her I moved down to Mexico.

Mexico ~ Brandtson