i will hold the past over your head

Besides all the being mad at Sarah issues, I’ve been trying to figure out why the whole shooting at VA Tech bothered me so much. As insensitive as she was, she had a point. Why was something that happened eight years ago coming back to haunt me? Why was something that really has no connection to me making me go absolutly crazy? I thought maybe it was because lives were lost. Human lives were taken and that made me upset and sad. I’m pretty sympathetic to the human plight and losing friends and family strikes deep with me. But I don’t know anyone who died down there, nor do I even know anyone who knew someone there. There are also lives being lost daily in the Middle East War, and while that does upset me, not to the extent that this did. Its not the same anger and devastation going on in my head. Part of that is because deaths are the cost of war. People are going to die when you go to war. That doesn’t make it suck any less, but five years ago when this started, I knew people were going to die. I’m not saying I supported the decision to go to war – that’s another matter all together. But when the news came down that we were sending troops over there and declaring war, I knew people would die. It’s the cost of doing business. So what was different about VA Tech? Was I just in shock? Yes, to a large degree. The whole country is in shock. Something like this is unexplainable. The gunman shot himself so we’ll never really know why he did this. There didn’t seem to be a target or a reason to what he did, although he was very methodical.

So what the hell is my problem?

Its the Acme weight phobia. Remember those cartoons, Animaniacs and whatnot. They were good, but had some slapstick humor. Nothing was funnier than having a Acme Ton Weight drop from the sky and crush one of the characters beneath it, really for no reason. As a kid, this was hysterical. Mainly because you knew the toon wouldn’t be really hurt and you never knew when it was coming. “I’ll always be there for you. I’ll love you forever. I’ll never leave you.” Three statements I hate the most. Always, forever, never. No one can guarantee that to me. You never know what might happen tomorrow. A plane might crash into the building you work in. A gunman might walk into your classroom and kill you. An Acme weight might drop on your head as you walk down the street. The chances of any of those things happening are small, but there is still that chance. Its part of life. If we knew we’d be safe all of the time, life wouldn’t be so precious. It can be stolen from us in an instant, for no apparent reason. I know all that.

It doesn’t mean I have to like it.

Am I correct to defend the fist that holds this pen?
It’s ink that lies,
the pen, the page, the paper.
I live, I learn.
You will always take what I have earned.
And so aid my end while I believe I’m winning.

Our friends speak out in our defense.
Pay ten deaf ears for two months rent.
We burn their gallows they erect,
and cut the nooses they tie for our necks.

You constantly make it impossible to make conversation.
Keep us comatose but audible.
And I like it the farther I get out.
We pass it off but it’s all on us.
Only common conversation,
it took everything I got.
And I like it the farther I get out.

Once said, always said.
I will hold the past over your head.
I’ll speak my mind whenever I feel slighted.
I am hellbent on extracting all of my revenge.
Take heart, sweetheart, or I will take it from you.

We slip concealed back to the keep.
Concede to do the work for free.
We prey as wolves among the sheep and slit the necks of soldiers while they sleep.

You constantly make it impossible to make conversation.
Keep us comatose but audible.
And I like it the farther I get out.
We pass it off but it’s all on us.
Only common conversation,
it took everything I got.
And I like it the farther I get out.

Good To Know That If I Ever Need Attention All I Have To Do Is Die ~ Brand New