in a pain that buckles out your knees

Today was better. Except for the killer headache. And the fight I had with my mother. I feel bad, especially now cause its too late and I can’t call her to apologize. I woke up with the headache which is never a good thing. I’ve spent all day fighting it. It changed from a headache to a pressure migraine in my face after playing in rehearsal today, which just made me more miserable. I took drugs, but they didn’t really do much, just take the edge off the pain.

I talked with Sarah today. I sent her a message yesterday that said we needed to talk before rehearsal or we’d get nothing accomplished. So we talked a little before the rehearsal. She told me she was mad because she thought I’d be back in time to rehearse Monday night. I told her I said I might be back in time, but there was a good chance I wouldn’t. She said I should have told her sooner that I wouldn’t be back. The truth is too much happened over the weekend that I honestly wasn’t thinking much about her and her recital. I liked going home, but it just reminded me how much I didn’t want to go home. And with gas prices over $3/gal I was not a happy camper. I’m not in the red yet, but I’m getting there quick. Then this morning when I went to get my shower things, I realized I left my bad with the shampoo and stuff hanging in my closet. My favorite lotions were in there too. I called my mother to check and see if they were really there or just got misplaced and she confirmed it was in my closet. Then she got all snippy and was like “I’m not sending this out to you. Just go buy more.” My toothbrush, toothpaste, shampoo, conditioner, face wash and body wash were all in there. I don’t need to buy more body lotions; those two just happened to be my favorites. But that still meant I needed to buy everything else. Its only about $15, but still – that’s $15 I can’t spend on oboe supplies and thats utterly annoying, especially because my mother really had no sympathy for me. She just pissed me off royally and then I had to go to rehearsal. After rehearsal, Sip and Sarah were going to Walmart and I needed a few things (besides replacing all my shower stuff) so I tagged along. Then we went to Timmy Ho’s and sat for an hour talking. It was nice, but I still had a headache and things to do.

And I found out a friend from my church died this morning. He’s been sick on and off for the past year, but no one really knew what was wrong. On Friday the doctors figured out he had some type of cancer and wouldn’t last the week. His daughter is in high school. He played French horn, and while he was a little annoying sometimes, he was a really nice man and generally a happy guy. It just sucks and now I wish I could be home for his funeral and memorial. There’s just no way. I have too much work to do here and too many responsibilites.

Faint white figures paint my sleep
please don’t tell my secrets keep them hidden (you got it, you got it, you got it)
if the words that matter reach your face from floor
will you be wondering if, or (do I need what is given or honest)
does it cost me scarring if the words stay true
even number your nephew (I don’t want it, don’t want it, don’t want it anymore)

and when the answer that you want
is in the question that you state
come what may
come what may

in a pain that buckles out your knees
could you stop this if I plead (you got it, you got it, you got it)
so destined I am to walk among the dark
a child in keeping secrets from (will they know what I’ve done in the after)
in the sought for matter when the words blame you
in a blood red summer I’ll give you (I don’t want it, don’t want it, don’t want it)

and when the answer that you want
is in the question that you state
come what may
come what may

what did I do to deserve
what did I do to deserve
this? this?

wa oh wa ooooh
wa oh oh oh woah

what did I do to deserve
what did I do to deserve
this? this?

what did I do to deserve
what did I do

Blood Red Summer ~ Coheed & Cambria