there’s so much left to learn

I think there are some conversations that are not meant to be overheard, but neither are meant to be done in secret. Over the summer, I overheard a conversation while driving the last of the drunks back to camp. It was between Craig and Megan, who were sitting behind me. I could smell the alcohol wafting up to the front seat from behind me. She was upset over a boyfriend who had broken her heart. I don’t know if it was recent or old, but it was still painful. Craig was trying to comfort her, without taking advantage of her. He’s from Scotland and has the most amazing accent. Granted I’m partial, but that’s beside the point. I want a Craig. Last night, at dinner my fortune cookie said ‘Love is the only medicine for a broken heart.’ My little cousin Abby said I didn’t have a broken heart. Her mother replied ‘Well, how do you know?’

I want a Craig. Its been years since Tim broke my heart. Manny broke my heart in a totally different way, and it really no longer hurts the way Tim does. Tim crushed my heart. I don’t know how to get over it. I want a Craig, someone to hold me and just let me cry. Manny was never there to hold me and dry my face. He did the best he could, but it was never really enough.

I think my biggest fear is that the fortune will be false. I’ll find this great and wonderful guy, but it somehow won’t be enough to repair my heart. This has never been an issue with Mike because he’s not trying to repair my heart. He’s not trying to get me to fall in love with him. God help me if he does. What happens if I find the right guy and I can’t get over it, I can’t fix the broken pieces and I lose him?

Where did this all come from? The most random of things. I went to see Godspell with Laura tonight. The actor playing John the Baptist reminded me so much of Craig. It wasn’t him, but still it triggered the memory of that night.

I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away
I keep your photograph, I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

‘Cause I’m broken when I’m open
And I don’t feel like I am strong enough
‘Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome
And I don’t feel right when you’re gone away

The worst is over now and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There’s so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

‘Cause I’m broken when I’m open
And I don’t feel like I am strong enough
‘Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome
And I don’t feel right when you’re gone away

Broken ~ Seether