Poison in everything you said

A week before Single’s Awareness Day and I realise I’ve usually had someone to make me smile in past years. Maybe not a technical boyfriend, but someone to call and leave happy messages. Even when I had someone I still called it Single’s Awareness Day. I’m not too lonely or anything. I really do have awesome friends here and I love them. But I am one of the only ones, not only in my suite, but in the oboe studio as well, that doesn’t have someone. Normally, this wouldn’t bother me in the least bit (yeah, right – who am I kidding?) It bothers me always, but this year is going to be the hardest. I’m away from home and my single friends and the familiarity of my county; of my home. Its just a bit annoying.

I shouldn’t let it get to me because things are really good here and I am happy. Oboe is a lot better after seeing Mrs. B. My suitemates are great and we’re already making plans for next semester living together. Things are good and I shouldn’t complain but my heart has been in a shell for way too long. I watch Nitta and Ian and while I worry about Nitta (cause I lov eher) she is using her heart in a way that I am not. I refused to (really couldn’t) open my heart to Mike. It just wouldn’t have worked for the situtation we were in and the relationship we had. I’m still focused on school and everything, but this semester, these subjects take a lot less out of me. I can have friends and could even be able to deal with the drama of a boy. I’ve been swearing off boys and the dating scene lately because I didn’t want to deal with the drama and the crap. And I’m still against excessive drama and crap, but I do have a better idea of what I want and what I will put up with. In a relative sense, I feel ready for a relationship.

Maybe I’m picky, but I do know what I want and don’t want (to an extent). For example, I love Brian to death but our religious differences, the ones that make our friendship great, make a romantic relationship impossible. It hurts because I adore him and love him but I know it would never work with us.

I HATE WANTING A BOY!

You were almost kind, you were almost true
Don’t let me see that other side of you
You have learned in time that you must be cruel
I’ll have to wait to get the best of you
Poison in everything you said
Don’t you, don’t you?
Wonder what difference does it make……Either way
You were almost kind, you were almost true
Why give away that other side of you
Happens every time, so it must be true
Step on a kid, he’ll grow up hating you
Poison in everything you said
Don’t you, don’t you
Wonder what difference does it make….Either way
Were you ever kind, were you always cruel?
Who’s ever seen that other side of you?
Happened every time, so it must be true?
Where did you learn it’s either him or you?
You were almost kind, you were almost true
Don’t let me see that other side of you
You have learned in time that you must be cruel
I’ll have to wait to get the best of you
Poison in everything you said
Don’t you, don’t you?
Wonder what difference does it make……Either way

Either Way ~ Guster