can you save me from this world of mine

I’m still manic. Its terrifying how manic I still am after a week on the Seroquel. I take 75mg and after about an hour I’m ready to sleep. I’d like to take more, but I usually don’t take them to begin with until 10 or 11. Last night was midnight. I don’t want to take four and then not wake up in the morning. I set my phone alarm for this morning too, because I was worried about not waking up. Dedra came over and we had a few beers and cheese quesadias. You’re not suppose to mix alcohol and Seroquel, but thats only because both make you sleepy. They basically both make the other stronger. But I was taking it at night, and I’m not driving anywhere. I was planning on going to bed anyways.

Mania is so strange. I’m getting so much done. My room is more organized than its ever been. I have so many ideas and plans its ridiculous. I’m trying to curb my spending but its still more than it should be. I’m getting irritable too. The smallest things are annoying me. The only reason I’m sleeping is because of the pills.

And DMV (Department of Motor Vehicles) is the Seventh Circle of Hell. For the second time I’ve gone to deal with my car. I was also trying to switch my dad’s car. Last time they said everything was fine, I just needed one more thing. I got that one thing and now there’s something else wrong. It annoys the hell out of me because I’ve run out of time on my car. The inspection has expired and the registration is days away from expiring. The only thing thats good is my insurance. And I’m waiting for some stupid reason that will mess that up as well. Everything is just so damn frustrating. And my dad’s car didn’t even work. The freaking hoops they make you jump through to do the simplest thing. I use to think DMV wasn’t so bad. Now, I realize they are the Seventh Circle of Hell. My consolation prize for all this is that I get to drive my mom’s car for the next week or so until everything is straightened out with my car. It is a very nice car, though I have to be careful and keep an eye on my speed because it flies. It is for all intensive purposes a sports car. Its not quite my cup of tea, but its cooler than my car. And it runs better.

I’m going away this weekend I think. Dedra might come with me, but I’m not sure yet. Her sister is pregnant and due on Saturday. Dedra wants to go out there as soon as her niece is born. So she’s not sure she wants to be an additional 3 hours away if her sister goes into labor. I hope she comes, but I kinda doubt she will want to. In some ways, I want someone to come with me, and in other ways, I’d like to go alone and have the time to myself. I’m going to take books, my laptop and God only knows what else, with me. I have my new bathing suit and I want to sunbath and try to even out my tan. I kinda don’t mind going on my own, but some company would be really nice. And the only person I would really want to take up there with me is Mike who is still in New Orleans. There is a tiny part of me that really hopes he’s come home and surprise me. But then reality in my brain takes over and I know he won’t do that. But it would still be a really nice surprise.

Ehh, I know it will never happen. At least the stress at work is beginning to let up. I’m starting to “deal out” all my work to other people. I’m going to be leaving in less that 2 months, so I have to teach someone everything that I’m doing. And its a lot of random things and projects.

Tonight I see Jenny again, which is going to be a good thing. The medicine is helping me sleep, but I still feel very, very manic. A part of me probably should be worried that if I go away this weekend and crash, I’ll be crashing by myself. Good thing? Bad thing? It depends how quick and severe the crash is. But what will happen will happen.
I still wish Mike could go with me.

Whose eyes am I behind
I don’t recognize anything that I see
Whose skin is this design
I don’t want this to be the way that you see me

I don’t understand anything anymore
In this world that I’m tired of
Is taking me right up these walls
That I climb up
To get to your story
It’s anything but ordinary

And when the world is on its knees with me its fine
And when I come to the rescue I get nothing but left behind
Everybody seems to be getting what they need, where’s mine
‘Cause your what I need so very but im anything but ordinary

Can you save me from this world of mine
Before I get myself arrested with this expectation
You are the one look what you’ve done
What have you done?
This is not some kind of joke
You’re just a kid
You weren’t ready for what you did

And when the world is on its knees with me its fine
And when I come to the rescue I do it for you time after time
Everybody seems to be getting what they need, where’s mine
‘Cause you what I need so very but im anything but ordinary

I think im trying to save the world for you
You’ve been saving me too
We could just stay in and save each other

Im anything but ordinary
(ordinary)
Im anything but ordinary
(ordinary)

Ordinary ~ Train