There’s no such thing as second chances

This weekend has been a huge whirlwind of activity. And I thought I’d get a break. Friday night I get a voicemail from Nathan. He’s out visiting friends near Buffalo. (SIDENOTE: What the hell is up with Buffalo? Mike goes there, Nathan goes there, Justin goes there. I need to seriously make some friends out there, so I can take random weekend trips to Buffalo.) Anyways, he couldn’t hang out on the weekend, but he wanted to on Sunday night if I was up to it. It was sweet and he’s a great guy. There’s chemistry there, I just wonder how much and how far it will go. I’m not sure yet. I had spoken to Mike on Friday as well. He was leaving for Maryland on Sunday, but was coming up Saturday and wanted to take me to lunch, if I was around. I told him to call me when he was on his way up. But Friday night my mom and I went to see the Ketcham play. I almost didn’t go because work was crazy and I was majorly tired. I had to go in the morning to Spectrum and an office on the other side of town for LSW and then I had to go back out in the afternoon on regular errands. I had no time to do my reports and then Val gave me some work for LSW. I had to open a new file, but I didn’t have any of the information. I kind of made it up as I went. Thankfully, the file went to Dad and I told him if he fixed it up, I would correct it. He said he was wondering if LSW or I had done the information. He would have been pissed it LSW had screwed it up so bad, but he said he realized that I didn’t know the case and I was just doing my best. He can be sweet sometimes. But I was also given some other things of LSW’s to do, although I don’t know when I’m going to have time to do them. This morning I was given another project from SED, that had to be finished today. Thankfully, Sharon took over part of it. But I was late getting the mail, which was two boxes because it was Monday and then LK and SED kept barging in to ask why I wasn’t done with the mail yet. It really pissed me off. I’m trying to do my job and they come and park themselves in my way. And SED has to look through everyone else’s mail as well. I feel like putting a sign up on the door that says “LIVE ANIMALS. WILL BITE. ENTER WITH EXTREME CAUTION ONLY IN DIRE EMERGENCY. BACK OUT QUICKLY AND QUIETLY.” But of course I can’t do anything.

But back to Friday night and the Ketcham show. It was Crazy for You. For not being a dance troupe, they did a pretty nice job. The set changes were a little on the long side and some of the pit balance was off, but all in all, it was a great performance. I was impressed although I still see all those kids as young children, as opposed to seniors in high school. Anyway, sitting in our seats waiting for the show to start, I saw Caroline, Ali and eventually Rob running around talking to people. I wasn’t sure if Heather would be there, but I wouldn’t have been surprised. I tried to avoid them, but I didn’t see Heather and when I went down to see Mrs. G and Candi, I ran into Ali. She seemed happy to see me, gave me a big hug and everything. She invited me to the diner with her and Rob. I kind of had a headache, but I kind of wanted to go. It was a mixed feeling. I wasn’t sure if Ali or Rob would want to talk to me, especially because of the fallout with Heather. But Rob seemed to want me to go and I felt like I needed to go. I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t awkward, but Ali and I fell into the same scene of picking on Rob and talking without words. Rob’s little sister and friend tagged along too and they made us realize how old we are. Ali’s in school in NYC and Rob’s in the Marines. He said he doesn’t like it, which I’m surprised to hear. He seemed all excited to get into the military and now he’s unhappy. Oh well, his life. I thought of trading cell numbers with them, but I didn’t. Things are still strained and too many things were left unsaid. I’m not sure if we’ll ever find a way to say them. Both Rob and Ali are still friends with Heather, which makes the situation strained as well. I brought up Heather to Rob and he said he had heard from Ali and Heather what had happened. I should have asked him if he knew about Mike, but I really didn’t care at that point. I kind of felt from his reaction that he was siding with Heather, which pisses me off. But that’s his decision and thats the way the cookie crumbles. All in all, the situation wasn’t as stressful as I was afraid it was going be, but it was still majorly stressful. I didn’t realize how much it affected me until the next morning.

I slept until noon when my dad came in and tried to have a conversation with me. It wasn’t really successful, but I’ll give him points for trying. It did wake me up enough to hear my cell phone beeping. I had left it in my coat pocket so I hadn’t heard it ringing. Mike had called about 30 minutes earlier. I called him back and he said he was about an hour away. He wanted to go do his laundry and get something to eat with me. I took a shower and was ready when he arrived. He helped my dad move our piano back into the living room (My baby’s back!) in exchange for detergent and laundry sheets from my mom. My mom offered our washer and dryer, but he had too much laundry for one washer and was on a tight schedule. It was better too because I needed to get out of my house. We went to the laundromat and he stuck his clothes in the washer. Mike was laughing at me because he said I looked like I was about to fall over. I told him I was tired in the morning, and I didn’t care it was one o’clock – Morning was the first four hours after I woke up. He thought that was pretty funny. Then he was complaining that he had woken up with me before and I wasn’t usually like this. I told him I usually went to bed a little happier in such situations. He laughed at that too. We had lunch, put his clothes in the dryer, went and got him a new razor and I helped him fold his clothes. I had a good time and we were picking on each other most of the time. But it was nice. I realize now that my grumpiness/crankiness/bitchiness was leftover from the night before. It was an ok situation, but really stressful. And it carried into the time with Mike. But he seemed to take it in stride. He’s a good egg. He left and told me he’d be home in a month. I told him to call me if he left to go on another ship. I’d like to see him, but if something comes up, I understand he’s going to go. I would just like some warning that he’s going to be gone. He’s hoping to get a job fairly soon after he comes home. Its a strange situation with him.

He hasn’t mentioned moving in together again, but I always feel like he’s buttering up to me so that I’ll agree to do it. You know, it could just be that he enjoys my company and wanted a friend while he did his laundry. We did have a good time, I think. I don’t know why I’m so cynical about spending time with him. Maybe its because this is the third or fourth time I’ve seen him and there has been no sex. I’m not complaining really, but I had this mindset for a while that was all I was to him. He tells me he enjoys my company and companionship, but thats usually after we’re done. Maybe he is actually trying to be just a friend. In a way, I’m glad nothing has happened for a while. It doesn’t make things as strange with Nathan, although nothing has happened with him yet. Noth