Unhappy

so Ali is quitting, finally. Her last day is next Friday. I thought that would make life slightly easier around the firm. But I was dead-ass wrong. Val called me into her office and we talked about the projects I’m currently working on. And then she told me since Ali was leaving I would have to take on her job. Not like I have anything else to do right? I don’t mind doing the mail too much. It’s annoying as hell, but its not a huge deal. But I detest errands. They are suppose to be done everyday in the afternoon. Because most of the errands are to the Courts or Clerk’s Office and those are on a street that has limited if any parking, the errand girl usually walks. Its fucking cold out and spring is not here. I hate walking in a skirt and heels around downtown. Its cold and smelly and just basically annoying. I wouldn’t mind too much if it was the summer, but its not. I am allowed to put sneakers on if I want, but thats just as annoying. Did I mention I detest errands? Its not a retarded job or anything. My personality just HATES ERRANDS! But I have to do it. Another secretary has been trying to pass off her work (conforming wills) onto me too. If I don’t do them, she doesn’t either unless its an emergency. So I asked Val about it. She told me that I just might as well do it cause Deb won’t be doing it anyways. Val also told me that SED is getting antsy about another project I had been given. Its called the Will Ticklers. Five years after a client signs a will the attorney’s office sends what is called a tickler letter. Its to see if anything has changed in the client’s life that would affect their will or estates. Well, its suppose to happen like that. But because we’ve changed databases and there are major discrepancies and problems, that project got put on hold by SED. I’m still trying to fix all the problems and while I’m doing that, I’m finding more and more problems. Its like a knot you try to untangle and as you untangle it, you realize its a lot more messed up than you first thought. I can’t adopt the attitude of Not my problem, I don’t care because if somewhere down the line it comes out that I did know and did nothing, I could get in trouble. Besides its not my nature. And don’t forget all my usual daily jobs and the random covering I have to do for sick secretaries. Val offered me all the overtime I want. Which is nice on some level. She told me I should come in on Saturday and Sunday too if I wanted.

I’m sorry, but Sundays are sacred to me. Its the one day a week where my parents don’t work and neither do I. We spend most of the morning at church (actually working there but thats different) and the afternoon is for baseball, naps, reading by the fire and cooking yummy dinners. I am not spending my Sundays here at work. Its just not an option. And I can’t stay late on Mon, Tues or Weds because I have school. I could stay late Thursday and Friday, but I have to study for my classes. I need some time to read the massive amounts of pages I’m assigned and to write my English papers. And I would like to start practicing again. And what about going to the gym? I’ve been so busy lately I haven’t had a chance to breathe. And now Val is telling me to spend my Saturdays and Sundays here? I don’t think so. I explained to her that I was in school and needed time to study and I also need time to have a little fun too. Its sad when I can’t say I’ll just have fun when I have time; I have to actually schedule “fun time” into my schedule. I haven’t seen my dad in like a week, even though we live in the same house and work in the same office. It feels like Val is asking me to make a choice between school and work. And unfortunately she’s going to be on the losing side. This place is only a job, maybe a good job for me, but only a job. School is WAY more important than this. I will work my 9-5 like I’m suppose to. And when I have “free time” I will work the overtime. But I’m not spending my weekends in the same place I’m spending every day.

I was so stressed yesterday when I left her office because I felt like I had so much work to do, not only here in the office but at home for school and for getting ready to go away and my room is a mess and I’m just not happy.

That last statement – I’m not happy – has more meaning behind it. Its not because of everything that is going on. Its on top of everything that is going on. I’m not happy. And I don’t know what will make me happy. Which is even more frustrating.