gotta prove this tonight

So my birthday weekend is halfway through. Maybe a little more than halfway. Friday night after work was fun and annoying all at once. The weather shaped up, so the girls decided dinner would be good. We went to Applebee’s where Kaba and Destiny showed up. Justin had called home and left a message warning me I would be kidnapped that night. I figured they would watch the movies around midnight, so I could still go to dinner and then see them. But Kaba and Destiny told me they had huge plans for the night. It was a surprise, so they wouldn’t tell me. I was worried, but after three mucho margueritas I didn’t mind as much. Destiny hinted that Mike might be there, so I decided to just let it go and see what happens. She was waiting for AJ to call cause he had something to do with it. That made me worried cause I don’t like AJ and I don’t trust him. But whatever.

So after dinner at Applebee’s, they dragged me to the mall and made me walk all over the place. It pissed me off cause we were doing what Destiny wanted (saying hi to Randy and getting pissed cause he was working instead of paying attention to her; going to find a dress for her cousin’s wedding; etc). I usually don’t care, but it was my birthday and I wanted to go out. I wanted to go hang out in a bar and have some fun. But we were waiting on AJ’s call. And Destiny doesn’t have an ID so she can’t get into any of the bars. I was annoyed that I wasn’t allowed to really do what I wanted. But I had talked to Ryan about tonight’s kidnapping plans, which saved me. After going to Destiny’s house, where she argued with AJ, we then went to Kaba’s house where Destiny and Kaba’s brother got high. The plan was then to go to Highland to pick up AJ (even though Destiny was still pissed at him) and hang out with him. I really didn’t get the logic behind that. I wanted to go back a bar and just relax. But, Destiny wanted to go to Highland and since she couldn’t get into a bar, we were going to Highland.

Ryan had told me it was Avi’s 21st birthday Friday too. They were going to Uno’s with some other friends from high school to celebrate and I was more than welcome. So I made Kaba drop me off so I could be with them instead. I was pissed at them, but thankfully Ryan and Avi and Sashi were happy to see me. Avi and I had a good time. I think if there had been more time and more alcohol, there may have been a little hooking-up. But it was still really awesome to see them. I had a great time.

And afterwards, Ryan dropped Avi and Sashi off at Sashi’s house, then back to his house for Mystery Science Theatre 3000. It was as bad as the last time. We watched Operation Double 007. Its a spy movie, basically a band James Bond movie, but starring Neil Connery instead of Sean Connery. It was bad. Both Justin and I fell asleep during the movie. Nathan and Chris were there. Nathan left shortly before I fell asleep. There was a supposed house fire, but it turned out to be nothing, so he came back rather quickly. But I was already asleep when he returned. He was laughing at me when I finally woke up cause it took me a while to realize that he was back. When we all left, he gave me his number and told me to call him next time I went to play pool. I should try and make time this week. I don’t know though, because he’s friends with Ryan. We’ll see. Innocent game would be fun and good for me.

So I’m still kinda pissed cause Destiny and Kaba kinda made a mess of things. I finally found out what they were planning on doing. Destiny had gone to the city and gotten two strippers for the party. Her brother had agreed to shut his bar and let us have a private party there if we had enough people. For my birthday, he would let me drink free. AJ was supposed to get a ton of people to come to the party. It was a nice idea on some level, but I wouldn’t have known anyone at this party besides Kaba, Destiny and AJ. AND it didn’t happen cause AJ didn’t call or something happened and he didn’t come through. I was disappointed because Destiny had hinted that Mike might be there. But Kaba told me it was just a lie to fool me. That kinda pissed me off too. I would have really liked to see him and she got my hopes up. They also got my hopes up about this surprise party and that all fell through. I was talking to my dad about it. I told him Kaba and Destiny pissed me off because they dragged me to the mall, Destiny’s house and Kaba’s house before I got to do what I wanted. I told him I was trying not to be a brat, but my dad said it was my birthday. Its the one day of the year I’m allowed to be a brat. And he said if they were really my friends, they would allow me to be as bratty as I want on my birthday. They would put up with whatever I want because it was my birthday and because they were my friends. He has a point and my desires and demands weren’t that high. I wanted to go out to bars and drink, watch TV and hang out with people. I did get to basically do that. But it wasn’t with Kaba and Destiny, so that shows me how much they care. Its just frustrating. And I don’t think Kaba is realizing what she is doing when she acts like that. The chances of us moving out together were getting slim when she wasn’t talking to her dad about the whole thing. And the chances got slimmer when I started thinking about going back to school. The chances are even slimmer now that I actually am back in school and Fredonia is rising in my future.

I’m just frustrated because she keeps proving me right. She’s showing me that she’s not mature and she’s not responsible. She is constantly telling me and anyone who will listen that she is the best kind of friend there is and she’s so amazing. She is on some levels, but on other things its just not working. I know I’m not the perfect friend and I know I’ve messed up a lot when it comes to my friends, but I don’t go around bragging how amazing I am.

This whole experience just showed me how much I don’t belong here, with her and these people. They are good fun, but I’m not convinced they are anymore than friends of convenience.

It’s my turn to fly
I’m proving ground tonight
Try to be the best that I can
Grown to be a man
Only human can understand
I fill my lungs with fear and I exhale!

It’s my turn to fly
Father be with me tonight
I’m right on target (keep your dream alive)
It’s my turn to fly
gotta prove this tonight

Deep in 3043, the refugees survived
The whole of humanity lies in my hand
Give me the chance to tonight
I’ll prove to you what’s in my eyes
Bring us to victory
Our dreams become reality

It’s my turn to fly
Father be with me tonight
I’m right on target (keep your dream alive)
It’s my turn to fly
Gotta prove this tonight

It’s My Turn to Fly ~ The Urge