girl on the verge

I hate it when I’m in this kind of a mood. The kind of mood where I do way more damage and good to every and anyone, including myself. There is something that is again fighting to break free and its a harsh battle to keep it locked up. Anger that I thought I had let go of has been resurfacing. Old fears I thought I had overcome are threatening to rule and ruin my life again.

And a woman who once almost destroyed my entire world is at it again.

Some days I’m just too tired to go on.

Observation
My situation
Ain’t looking up
I’m having stupid suicidal thoughts
Complication
My hesitation
To cut you off
Has put me at a total loss

I’m a girl on the verge of a nervous breakdown
I’m all messed up
Baby all cause of you
I can’t sleep
I’m in too deep
I’m a girl on the verge of a major meltdown
I may be all freaked out and confused
But I still wouldn’t wanna be you
I’m a girl on the verge of a nervous breakdown

Devastation
My reputation
Is headed south
My medications running out

I’m a girl on the verge of a nervous breakdown
I’m all messed up
Baby all cause of you
I can’t sleep I went to deep
I’m a girl on the verge of a major meltdown
I may be all freaked out and confused
But I still wouldn’t wanna be you
I’m a girl on the verge of a nervous breakdown

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Congratulations
I’m your creation
Well how bout that
You better lock your doors cause the bitch is back

I’m a girl on the verge of a nervous breakdown
I’m all messed up
Baby all cause of you
I can’t sleep I went to deep
I’m a girl on the verge of a major meltdown
I might be all freaked out and confused
But I still wouldn’t wanna be you
I’m a girl on the verge of a nervous breakdown
I’m a girl on the verge of a nervous breakdown
On the verge of a nervous breakdown

Girl on the Verge ~ Sarah Hudsone day.
I’ll make you say:

(Alive! Alive!
Alive with love,
alive with love tonight)

No, I won’t let them take you,
won’t let them take you
Hell no no, oh no,
I won’t let them take you,
won’t let them take you
Hell no no.

Our Treblinka is alive with the glory of love!
Treblinka, alive, with the glory of love, yeah!

Should they catch us
and dispatch us
to those separate work camps, yeah
I’ll dream about you.
I will not doubt you
with the passing of time, oh yeah
Should they kill me,
your love will fill me
as warm as the bullets, yeah
I’ll know my purpose.
This war was worth this.
I won’t let you down.
No, I won’t
No, I won’t
No, I won’t

(Alive! Alive!
Alive with love, alive with love tonight)

No, I won’t let them take you,
won’t let them take you
Hell no no, oh no,
I won’t let them take you,
won’t let them take you
Hell no no.

Alive with the Glory of Love ~ Say Anything

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January 10, 2005

*hugs* I’m thinking of you 🙂 I’m always here if I can help in anyway…e-mail me (jobsta@iinet.net.au). Love ya, Joel

January 12, 2005

Thank you ever so much for the notes, they do help! It sounds like you’re having a pretty rough time yourself though… but the way you wrote that paragraph seems reminiscent of an epic movie trailer or the greatest novel ever written; either way, I’m there to watch or read past the end credits! Sometimes it’s good to be your own force of destruction though, it lets you clear a path most quickly!

January 12, 2005

In the end though, I don’t think you’ll ever be one to give up, or surrender… you’re are far beyond those human frailties. Push the world away and find yourself again Rory, bring out your Oboe a play something that transports you away, or rebuilds your strength. Close your eyes, exhale, and reawaken with an unrivaled power! You’re too amazing to fail, fight on! 🙂

I know how you feel. Sometimes I am just so tired of everything and everyone…but especially of myself and my inability to move finally beyond things, leave certain things behind, and develop new and better ways of dealing with life. It’s frustrating.