Wishful Thinking – A Conversation

“Can we talk?”

“I’m a little busy right now.”

“It’s important.”

“So is this.”

“Come on, please. I want to explain…”

“Why you didn’t call?”

“Its just that…”

“Look, it doesn’t really matter now. You didn’t call. Its past, done. I’m beyond that now.”

“So where are you now?”

“What are we now?”

“What do you mean?”

“You were suppose to be gone for four months.”

“You said you didn’t want me to go.”

“I didn’t, but at the same time, I think it was a good idea and the right time. I needed a break from wondering if you’d call this weekend or should I call you tonight. Or anything. I needed to figure out me a little bit.”

“We weren’t that close.”

“I know. And I felt that I was reaching a point where it either had to end or move forward. And I wasn’t sure I want either.”

“So then why force it there?”

“Because. And your going away was perfect. It wasn’t an end and it wasn’t moving forward. It was a break, so I could figure things out and decide what I want.”

“What did you decide?”

“That you being gone for two weeks wasn’t long enough. I was just getting used to the idea that you were out there somewhere doing something when you called. At first I thought you were calling from Pensacola. And then you said you were back. It caught me off guard.”

“You sounded happy enough on the phone.”

“I was happy. But that doesn’t change the fact that I don’t know whats going on right now.”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know what I mean and thats the problem! And I don’t know where you are or what you are thinking or what you are doing?!”

“How does that affect you at all?”

“It affects me because I care about you and I’m trying to find out where you are suppose to fit in my life. Or even IF you are suppose to fit.”

“So what do you want from me? I don’t know what I’m doing or where I’m going. I don’t have a job and I can’t go out on the ship.”

“I know. Look, I don’t want to be another thing on your mind right now. I don’t want to be a burden or a worry to you. I want to be able to support you however I can. All of that relationship crap doesn’t really matter right now. You figure you out. What you need and what you want. I don’t want you to worry about me. And I don’t want to argue with you.”

“What do you want?”

“I don’t know yet. I’m just trying to figure that out.”

“Is there anything you need to know from me?”

“Just the infamous ever-hateful what-excatly-are-we question. I can handle it if the answer is nothing. I just want to truth.”