Confusing Weekend

So this weekend kinda sucked and didn’t all at the same time. The room is basically finished, so I have a great new place to hang out. And Mike called. Right, Mr. Going-Away-To-Sea-For-Six-Months is back. Evidently his blood levels were high in something they shouldn’t have been high in, so they don’t want him going yet. I don’t know, I didn’t ask. He sounded exhauted and tired and asked to spend the night. I said sure no problem, call me. He was driving up so we hung up. I think that was around 7 or 8 on Saturday night. I went to bed at 3am alone. He never called. And not the next day and now its Tuesday and still no word. On one hand I’m pissed cause he should have called and I want to see him. On the other hand, I’m worried that something happened to him. On the third hand, I’m frustrated that this happened. Why is he back? I was kinda looking forward to him being gone. I was getting used to the idea that he wasn’t around and then…poof…he’s back. I just wanted the time to figure things out. Now I don’t even know where he is. He said he was in a weird mood cause he didn’t have a job and he didn’t know what he was going to do. And I get that. He COULD go back to his old job, but I really don’t think he wants to. And honestly I don’t blame him. He hated it there. But I don’t know. I haven’t even talked to him. I’ve obsessed about it all weekend, probably drove Kaba crazy. And then Monday we went to play pool, and she was just kinda pissing me off. I guess I’m so used to the way Heather and I played. And things there reminded me of Heather and of Mike and I was moody and upset and Kaba was trying to cheer me up, which only made me more upset. I guess I was trying to recreate how Heather and I would be when we played out our anger and it just wasn’t working.

And then today at lunch, I got into my car to go to the bank and it wouldn’t start. The battery is dead. The battery Mom told me she had replaced is dead. The battery that is as old as the car that Mom said she had replaced. I swear I’m going to hurt her and then the guys at the garage who said nothing was wrong with my car. Evidently, there WAS something wrong. So now I’m going to have to dig up money for a battery and try to replace it sometime this week. And I have rehearsal tonight at Vassar, so I’m taking my mother’s car, end of discussion.

And I love Kaba, but sometimes she just gets on my nerves. I’ll probably go play pool tonight after rehearsal. Hopefully work out some of my anger and frustration. Maybe drag my little brother with me. Since I haven’t seen him in a while. But I have a funny feeling his mom will enforce the scary curfew. Oh well. I’ll go by myself. I just…..Blech…..

And I colored my hair. Its reddish-brown with reddish-blonde highlights, except that the bottom of my hair is still brown cause there wasn’t enough hair-dye. I might try to get some more stuff and kinda of re-dye is to make it more even. But I dunno, its kinda cool. My mom hates it. She says I look like a box orange head. Its only cause she’s not used to it. She can get over it. My dad likes it. Julia doesn’t, but almost everyone else does. I don’t really care. I like it.

I just wish I knew what was going on with Mike.

Somewhere beyond happiness and sadness
I need to calculate
What creates my own madness
And I’m addicted to your punishment
And you’re the master
And I am waiting for disaster

I feel irrational
So confrontational
To tell the truth I am
Getting away with murder
It isn’t possible
To ever tell the truth
But the reality is I’m getting away with murder

I drink my drink and I don’t even want to
I think my thoughts when I don’t even need to
I never look back cause I don’t even want to
And I don’t need to
Because I’m getting away with murder

I feel irrational
So confrontational
To tell the truth I am
Getting away with murder
It isn’t possible
To ever tell the truth
But the reality is I’m getting away with murder

Getting Away with Murder ~ Papa Roachything to jepordize my relationship with them. Maybe it will happen someday when the timing is better. I mean, they are both away at college and I’m a full-time gopher at the firm (which is a whole nother jar of worms.) I just wish I could talk to someone who knows them, but is on my side. Someone who could talk to them and try to see what they are doing and let me know what they think. I don’t need the junior high “Johnny ask Bobby what he thinks of my friend Sally.” Someone who sees me around them and would be honest with me, but wouldn’t go blabbing to them that I was asking in the first place. I should call Nathan and see if he’d be a good candidate. He has known Ryan for just a little less time than I have and they are pretty close.

Oh well….day ends. Time to start the evening marathon.

From earlier…..

My car and I are finally bonding. I think the two long road trips this past month has finally solidified our relationship. I know her and she knows me. We’ve come to a mutual agreement to live with each other and put up with our quirks. The final stamp on this agreement is her name. I never named her because she was making me nuts. I didn’t want to love her and get to know her because she wasn’t loving me. Granted I think my mom had a lot to do with it, but that’s another story. I was trying to decide if she was a girl or a boy. I know a few girls who have boy cars and they are pretty ok. But I just got the feeling she was definitly a woman, temper tantrums and mood swings included. I christened her Charlotte this morning on the way to work. I don’t know why Charlotte, but its a name that I’ve been feeling from her for a while. She’s steady and pretty dependable, doesn’t guzzle gas (actually saves it somehow) and she puts up with me. That’s a feat in and of itself.