these wounded eyes

Things are just going back down again. I’m not sure why. My boss is being slow about getting me on as full-time, which means I don’t have health insurance. That impacts so much in my life right now. I’m going to run out of my meds and I just started them up again. I need to get my eyes checked out cause I’m having problems with distance. And I feel like I’m getting sick. I should be ok to just ride it out, but if I need to go to the doctor I’m going to need insurance. And with Kaba going in the hospital makes me realize I need insurance. My dad said he would talk to my boss if I didn’t get insurance soon. He and my mom are trying to foot the bill for my therapy, but I know they will dump it on me soon. Its just frustrating right now.

Kaba came over last night and it was nice to just hang out. Got pizza and watched TV. She understands my frustration about the group. And she gets my need to be with my old gang. Its nice. I’m also trying not to get in the middle of everything with Maura and Yager and Kaba. Its not really a secret that Yager and I don’t get along, but I kinda stopped caring. I want my guy friends. Cause they are cool and just so laid-back. Maybe its because of the pot. Yager gets jumpy and paranoid and my gang just seriously chills out. Its not a big deal. Growl. Its just a bad day. And I want to drink about ten gallons of coffee and fix up my new room. But I know my mom is going to drag her feet cause she’s annoying like that. I’ll do everything, but I know she’ll get upset and be stupid about it. Oh well. It will get done cause I’ll push for it.

But I have my friends. So there’s that.

This song is just so how I’m feeling right now.

Through the longest night, by this candle-light
We stand to cut the dark in two
And the concrete rain shattered window panes
But, no, it never shattered you
As long as there is blood inside my veins…

I will sing this out
‘Till the sun beats down
And we rise to meet the sky…
On that day, I swear
I will see you there
I will heal these wounded eyes…
These wounded eyes!

And the 12th day showed that the sun still rose
As we tried to find our way
Through the steel and smoke, though it smouldered
We were cold and blanketed by grey
All we had was everything we gave…

I will sing this out
‘Till the sun beats down
And we rise to meet the sky…
On that day, I swear
I will see you there
I will heal these wounded eyes…
These wounded eyes!

And our scars have made us stronger
Turning strangers into brothers
We remember, we recover
As we hold on to each other
And our scars have made us stronger!
Turning strangers into brothers!
As we hold on to each other!
In a silent moment, we think of you now

I will sing this out
‘Till the sun beats down
And we rise to meet the sky…
On that day, I swear
I will see you there
I will heal these wounded eyes…
These wounded eyes!

These empty spaces, across a bruised skyline
The names and faces, I can’t erase them from my mind
These empty spaces, across a bruised skyline
The names and faces, I can’t erase them from my mind

The 12th Day ~ Autopilot Off