I’m down on my knees

STRIKE A POSE THERE’S NOTHING TO IT!

I’m in a Madonna phase. I’m happier too. For a few reasons. My mom talked to my dad about letting me have another room in the house as officially MY ROOM. I wanted the room across the hall from my bedroom. And my mom wasn’t too keen on that idea. She kept using my grandma as an excuse, but its pathetic cause it would have worked.

My idea was to put one of the extra twin beds in that room. I wanted to put my bookcases and TV and movies and what not in there. Maybe my stereo too. Anyways, I wanted it as a hang-out kind of room. I can use the twin bed as a couch and if Grandma comes to visit she can sleep on it. That way I don’t get kicked out of my room and she doesn’t have to climb stairs or sleep in the old garage (my old bedroom.) I wanted to leave my oboe stuff in there too. I would keep the music in there as well. But I needed Mom to put the computer somewhere else. Like in her study or in their bedroom.

She hated the idea.

Daddy thought it was fine.

There are a few issues about keeping the rooms clean and having the housekeepers in there once a month (at my expense) to really clean it. Mom agreed that if I could clean it to HER standards, I could forgo paying the housekeepers. Her receipe books will also have to stay in there but I really don’t have a problem with that. I’m sure there will be other extractions made on me for that room. But I really think its worth it. Especially since I’m not moving out.

Next good thing is I found Jenny! My doctor had made another recommendation for a therapist and my mom had scheduled me an appointment for today. We talked for a while about Jenny and my life and other medical family things. Then Dr. S. asked if I wanted to see Jenny again. She told me she knew where Jenny was and that Jenny was still practicing. She could give me the phone number and everything. Oh my god what a relief. I kinda liked Dr. S. but I’m so apprehensive about restarting everything. My mom mentioned that my dad had wanted a second opinion about me being bipolar. Dr. S offered, if I was comfortable, to be that second opinion. She would need my permission to talk to Jenny but she was so cool. I really liked her. And she wants to talk to Jenny if I’m ok with that too. But I have Jenny’s number and I can go back to her. I think I’m worried about her not wanting or not being able to take me back, but I’m hoping for the best. It makes me very relieved. Even Dr. S. said she could see how relieved I looked. Dr. S. even agreed to talk with my dad about it. My mom mentioned that she wanted to go to family counseling. Ick, not a good idea. Least I don’t want to go while we are all still living under one roof. Its a bad idea. Least I think so.

Oh well. I’m getting my room and I’m getting my therapist back. Sigh

Life seems a little more bearable when you’re manic wouldn’t you say?

Life is a mystery, everyone must stand alone
I hear you call my name
And it feels like home

When you call my name it’s like a little prayer
I’m down on my knees, I wanna take you there
In the midnight hour I can feel your power
Just like a prayer you know I’ll take you there

I hear your voice, it’s like an angel sighing
I have no choice, I hear your voice
Feels like flying
I close my eyes, Oh God I think I’m falling
Out of the sky, I close my eyes
Heaven help me

When you call my name it’s like a little prayer
I’m down on my knees, I wanna take you there
In the midnight hour I can feel your power
Just like a prayer you know I’ll take you there

Like a child you whisper softly to me
You’re in control just like a child
Now I’m dancing
It’s like a dream, no end and no beginning
You’re here with me, it’s like a dream
Let the choir sing

When you call my name it’s like a little prayer
I’m down on my knees, I wanna take you there
In the midnight hour I can feel your power
Just like a prayer you know I’ll take you there

Just like a prayer, your voice can take me there
Just like a muse to me, you are a mystery
Just like a dream, you are not what you seem
Just like a prayer, no choice your voice can take me there

Just like a prayer, I’ll take you there
It’s like a dream to me

Like A Prayer ~ Madonna