how’d I end up here to begin with

The weekend was great but Well something’s gotta go wrong ’cause I’m feelin’ way too damn good. Nickelback says it best.

Friday night – Mom and Dad were getting ready to leave and taking longer than I wanted, so I left and went to Kaba’s party. There were a bunch of people there and Clint was one of them. I was happy he was there and without Heather. It was nice and Kaba had the fire going. There was this guy there named RJ. And he and I just really hit it off. I didn’t pick up on it at first, but when his arm drifted around me and we kept edging closer together I smartened up. So we all stayed really late. Both RJ and I were going to leave earlier but neither of us wanted to leave. So then it was really late and we both had to drive the next morning so we just stayed up. We went to Dunkin then back to my house and ended up cuddling and kissing on my couch. Not even making out, just kissing. And get this – he’s Irish, a firefighter and a Boy Scout. Just like Mike. So it was kinda strange. And he does things sometimes that kind of remind me of Manny, which makes me recoil just a little. So I felt really bad about what happened cause I felt like I cheated on Mike, but we aren’t technically together, least not committed. But Saturday I was going to Montreal so I didn’t want to let it ruin my weekend.

Saturday – My parents and I drove to Montreal. I slept since I hadn’t slept at all Friday night. The hotel was amazing. The rooftop pool was cool. It was a little chilly cause up that high the wind blows a little bit. But it was still pretty. Then we went to Troika, this awesome Russian restaurant for dinner. I got Smirnoff Ice (yippe! love the drinking age there). I forgot that Canadian beers have more alcohol per volume than America. So two Smirnoff made me a little more tipsy than usual. But the food was absolutely amazing. Dad got steak tartar. Mom got wild boar. And I got shrimp cooked in vodka. It was so good. Then I got forced into going to Jerry’s party, with the deal that I could go back to the hotel if I got bored – either by cab or Jonathan would take me on the subway. But MaryAnn and I hit it off so I ended up staying. Jonathan gave me their last Pink beer, which is like grapefruit juice with bubbles and too sweet. It didn’t have much alcohol taste, but it was just weird. Then a gin and tonic during the firework show. Which was cool. They broadcast music which matches the firework show. From a musical standpoint it was done very well. I enjoyed it. Then I had a vodka and orange juice while Jonathan and Wensch and I had a discussion about computers vs. humans and ethics and then politics and economics. It was rather amusing, three drunk intellects trying to be smart and have deep conversations. Some of it really didn’t make sense, but it was fun. Then I got this really good African Bailey’s kind of drink called Amarula. So amazingly good. SOO my last drink. I was really tipsy then. Usually when I drink with my friends we get stupid and I just zone out. But Jonathan and I were talking to Wensch about mosh pits. And then Wensch and I got on the topic of why the people rioted when they heard Rites of Spring. Jonathan was just standing next to me, leaning on me. Well, I think it was more a mutual lean. I would have had another Amarula. But Dad wanted to go, so we did, which was good cause the alcohol was really hitting my brain. The bartender Chrissy had made all the drinks really strong. Like 98% alcohol, 2% other drink. So I was just a bit tipsy. It was like my head was heavy and didn’t move as fast as my body. So I was just moving slowly to keep my balance. Mom was laughing at me, but Dad had too many vodka shots at Troika to really care. Definitly got sick that night. But I easily made it to the bathroom. So I wasn’t sick all over the room or anything. Which was very good. And I didn’t wake my parents when it happened either.

Sunday – Longest day all weekend. We got up at went the Chez Cora’s for breakfast – amazing, but I could finish it. I got a headache just chased it with coffee and drugs. Then we checked out and drove to Neevels. I continued home and got home around 5. By 5:30 I was gone to Kaba’s. Her younger friends were there and this girl Sara really took to me. She’s cute, but definitly only eleven years old. Almost twelve but still. But I was playing mentor to her for a while. Then the chillin’s all left and Vincent, Kaba and I were sneaking drinks. Bootes asked me at one point if I had enough to drink and eat and I said yeah and she told me anything in the cooler was up for grabs. So I had a few Sams and the last 2 Mikes. Vince was really plastered. I had called Mike earlier to see if he was coming up and then I decided that I wanted to see him and tell him about RJ, just get it over with. So I left him one of those “We need to talk. I have something to tell you” messages. Surprisingly he called back shortly after that and wanted to know what was wrong. I told him it had to be face to face. And he said “Well I just want to make sure we are ok.” Damn it I hate men. So he said he would come down on Monday and we could meet to eat and talk. I figured that would work. So Kaba and I were having major fun with the fire, melting bottles, making it unbelievably hot, listening to Robin Williams and Jeff Foxworthy, drinking a little more. The fire was just coals left and my phone rings. Mike wanted to come down that night and spend the night and just make sure I was ok. I had aroused his curiosity and he was a little worried. So Kaba and I rebuilt the fire and he came over there, drunk and tired. He kept asking me what was wrong, but Kaba and V were there and I didn’t want to get into it with them right there. So we left soon cause we were both tired. Went to my house and got in bed. I told him about RJ and he was really ok with it. Which is nice and weird. I’m glad he didn’t flip over it. And he told me concerning him and also with RJ that the ball was completely in my court. I needed to decide what I wanted and go for it. He wants me to get to know RJ before really making a decision. He’s such a good friend, but the sex is amazing too!!

Moday (finally) – We woke up around 10 or so. And my phone rang. It was my doctor’s office. Mike kept pinching me but I smacked him away cause I was worried. Before Lindsay said anything I knew something was wrong. I thought she was going to tell me that Jenny had died. Close, but not quite. Lindsay told me Jenny was no longer with the practice and they had no forwarding number. I didn’t hear much after that. She said something about the director taking a look at all Jenny’s files and meeting with the patients and figuring out the best course for them. Lindsay wanted to know if I wanted to make an appointment then, but I was still in bed and seriously reeling. So I told her I’ll call back. It really upset me but it was a very good thing Mike was there. He let me cry for a while and just held me. We got up and he went to go take a shower. I went outside to smoke a cigarette and ended up somehow with Therapy off the Finger Eleven song repeating itself and my knife sitting on the railing in front of me. I don’t know what really happened next. I picked up the knife and was looking at it then Mike took it out of my hand and told me to take a shower. It w