RIP Ricky

Ahhh, men suck. All of them. I don’t care what Laura says about Brian being the absolute god of all men. They are fucking suck. My dad’s been acting all weird and yahnyahnyahn. See men are making me so crazy I’m making up words. Brian’s not answering his phone and being all mopey Brian-like cause his girl’s not around. Bleht Bleht. Manny is being just kinda an ass. He’s suppose to be cleaning out our backyard and mowing the lawn and whatnot and he hasn’t been around in a week. So Daddy is gettin mad cause the grass is getting long. He wants to mow it today, so thats money that Manny isn’t going to make. Loser boy. Yekita yekita. But Dad also wanted Manny to do some serious cleaning out of the backyard and chopping up some trees he wants knocked out. I might offer up Brian Santero if Manny doesn’t start acting a little more responsible and mature. I swear he thinks he’s god. Talk about an ego the size of Alaska! And Mr. I’m-So-Intune-With-What-You-Are-Feeling. What a load of critch. (See more new words!) I was upset last night and I called seriously everyone but no one was around. So I ended up calling him. But he was being an ass and getting me more pissed so we just hung up. He is just so egotisical and STUPID. Rasticrap!

Unfortunately as well, Mike is acting weird. One minute he’s being flirty and getting closer and now he’s acting like he doesn’t want to see me. I don’t know. I also don’t really know how I’m feeling about everything. He really threw me for a loop last week with trying to figure out what’s going on with us. Why the hell did he have to complicate things? Cause now it feels like he’s pulling away. Trying to protect himself and me. Flibberghat! I had one guy do that, or rather try, and it hurts damn it! Kilendurang! Maybe its for the best though. If we don’t get attached now, it won’t be so hard when we have to break it off. Ackluentist! I never really expected this to go anywhere. He made that perfectly clear and I got it. I was not expecting it or wanting it. I still want to get married someday but its not going to be him. I suppose part of me is leaving the door open cause I hate saying I will never marry so-and-so. Knowing my luck he’ll be the one I end up marrying. But I’m not even calling the shots there. Grasitivity! I guess my only question for him now is does he want to see me again or should I walk away from this all right now? I’m not asking for a commitment from him. I’m not being like that. I just want to know if he still wants me around. Cause if he doesn’t I don’t want to be the annoying one calling him. Actually, bullshit. I don’t want to be dragged along on a string for his pleasure. If all he wants is casual sex I might be able to live with that. But he’s told me he likes my company and he likes me as a person, not just a lay. So I really want to know if that has changed or not. Flubitygut!

And just to add to all this, a kid from my high school who was also in the firehouse died the other day from the explosion at the nuclear reactor site last week. I really hate reading about people in the obits. It’s really morbid the way most people in the office check those things daily and immediately when they get in. I’m also pretty sure Mike knows this guy. So I gotta call him tonight and give him the great news. Maybe he won’t know him, but I’m almost sure he will. So lets just make this all more complicated.

I’m just in a weird mood and I should have gone out last night. Daddy went to bed before 9 so I probably could have taken his car, but I didn’t ask. But Tues nights are my TV nights now. Gilmore Girls @ 8, Summerland @ 9, Charmed @ 10, Nip/Tuck @ 11. And interspursed is re-runs of Friends and Boy Meets world and other random half hour sitcoms. Etchity Wetch. Just in a weird mood. Feeling very displaced and just off. I don’t like feeling like that.

Oh and the doctor told me that he doesn’t know whats wrong with my foot. He’s guessing I pulled a tendon which takes longer to heal than muscles and I just have been overusing it. So I’m suppose to stay off my feet as much as possible. Because its the tendon by my toes, there’s not much I can do in terms of wrapping it. It’s like having a broken toe. It’s more trouble to have it wrapped then to just let it heal in its own sweet time. At least I know its not an infection or anything like that. And the visit didn’t take as long as I thought it would. Which was good. And I like driving Dad’s car. Open the windows and sunroof and blare the music.

My latest find has been Something for Kate. It’s a band from Melbourne, Australia so there is little chance of ever seeing them in the States. They kinda remind me of a mix between Dashboard and Something Corporate but a little harder. Hard to describe properly, but I really enjoy them. I gotta get Brian and Manny to hear them. I think they will like it. I’m not sure about anyone else though. Russ and Laura might but I’m really not sure. I’ve also decided Coheed and Cambria is amazing as long as you can’t see them. Their singer’s voice is kinda strange, but I like it. It works. But his hair. He looks like a Dwarf from Narnia mixed with a Beaver or something. He’s just freaky looking. Not bad, just freaky. Bothers me to see him singing. Oh well. I don’t like bands for their looks. Although I am not beyond admitting I think Judas is hott! 😉

Ok – enough. Work time. I deposited my check yesterday and it was a beautiful thing. I have over a thousand bucks in the bank. I’m keeping my weekly spending to around 50 bucks, so I’ve been depositing over 400 dollars every two weeks. And with babysitting and other little pick-up jobs I don’t always use the 50 bucks out of my paycheck. I still spend $50, but its not from my weekly $250 income. Which might go up. I’m thinking about talking to my dad about working longer hours. Not like it matters to him, but he’s my ride. I probably will need to check with my boss too, so I know there is money there to pay me. Naninny ways. Back to work. Oo – and its almost break time. I’ve been cutting back but the occasional cigarette is still nice. My one yesterday made me feel sick, along with the huge amounts of coffee I inhaled and the bleach Joey insisted on using before everyone went home. Some other people were looking green too. Yitypip. New words are randomly fun.