Hoobastank and Manny

I guess everyone needs someone to talk to. To overanalyze things with and to overthink things. But there comes a point where you don’t want to do that anymore. When you want things with that person to be simplified for just a moment. And he just keeps insisting on making everything so complicated. Right now its taking all my strength not to start screaming at him. Maybe I am being insensative and selfish, but he NEEDS TO GROW UP! I hate him. I hate him. I have been a fall safe for him for way too long. Everything is my fault. I’m always the thing that screwed him up. Even now, its still something about me. ITS ALWAYS ABOUT ME!!

**BREATH**

Ok, I’m better now. I calmed down and tried to organize my thoughts and my feelings which I don’t know how well I did. But I tried and thank goodness he had to leave so we can both think about and work out what the hell was just said. I’m trying not to be harsh with him, but he really needs to grow up. And I guess its partly my fault (as usual) for not telling him everything thats going on and everything thats on my mind. Cause then he doesn’t know how stressed and worried I am. And I guess I figured he knew me well enough that he would be able to tell I was off in space. But he didn’t and I snapped.
Whenever i step outside, somebody claims to see the light.
It seems to me that all of us have lost our patience.
‘Cause everyone thinks they’re right,
And nobody thinks that there just might
Be more than one road to our final destination.
He complains that about this and that. And its not recent stuff. Its from December. And I’m the one who can’t let go.
So why does there only have to be one correct philosophy?
I don’t want to go and follow you just to end up like one of them
And why are you always telling me what you want me to believe?
I’d like to think that i can go my own way and meet you in the end.
He’s growing up, I’ll admit that. He is, or rather he has. We are so different that from when we were in high school or even a year ago. But it feels like everytime he starts to think about me and us again, its somehow my fault. Maybe thats not true, but it certainly feels that way. And so why in the world would I beg him to come home for just me? I’m walking this fine line of being friends and not leading him on. And its seems like no matter what I do, I’m not doing the right thing. And so all I can think of for a solution is to just end it all. But thats not really a solution cause neither of us will learn anything either. And I think our friendship is strong enough to stand us telling each other what we are doing wrong, and what the other does to hurt us.
I knew it was too good to be true, cause i’m the only one who understands me.
I just seriously feel like no matter how hard I try everything is my fault and I’m making the wrong choice. And I’m honestly tired of trying so damn hard and failing. He just really needs to grow up and understand that the world, my world, isn’t as ok as I pretend it is. I honestly can’t believe my facade really tricked him that well. But maybe it did. And more than anything that makes me sad. He used to be someone who could see through all my lies and tricks. And it feels like now he can’t. Which maybe is excatly what I need and excatly what needs to happen for us to really let go and move on. I’m not sure he really understands how to love and let go. And I mean really let go. Do I still love Tim? Damn straight, but have I let him go? Well he’s married, living upstate with his wife and i’m told he’s happy. So I’m actually really happy for him. And even before i knew all that, I had let him go. But I will always love him. Is it as deep as me and Manny? Course not. Its different and thats ok. I guess everything makes me feel like Manny hasn’t really let go of me, and in a way that keeps me from letting go of him.

And oh yeah, I love Hoobastank!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I thought it was too good to be true
I found somebody who understands me
someone who would help me to get through
and fill an emptiness i had inside me
but you kept inside and I just denied
some things that we should have both said
I knew it was too good to be true
cause i’m the only one who understands me

what happened to us
we used to be so perfect, now were lost and lonely
what happened to us
I know deep inside I worry did i lose my only?

remember they thought we were too young
to really know what it takes to make it
but we had survived off what we have done
and we could show them all that they’re mistaken
but who could have known the lies that would grow
until we could see right through them
remember they knew it we were too young
we still don’t know what it takes to make it

what happened to us
we used to be so perfect, now were lost and lonely
what happened to us
I know deep inside I worry did i lose my only?

We could have made it work, we could have found a way,
we should have done our best to see another day
but we kept it all inside until it was too late
and now we’re both alone, the consequence we pay
for throwing it all away, for throwing it all away…

what happened to us
we used to be so perfect, now were lost and lonely
what happened to us
I know deep inside I worry did i lose my only?
What Happened to Us? ~ Hoobastank