Shoebox of Lies

I remember now why we aren’t together. We both overanalyze things way too much. And as much as we think we know each other and think we can anticipate each other, we don’t sometimes.
He immed me last night and we were just talking about random nothings. Then he says he’s going to bed. Which is perfect timing (our timing tends to be right on) because the other person had just signed off and I wanted to go take my shower and go to sleep. So I said ok, later. And he said something which gave me the impression that he needed to talk about something that was bothering him. Well, I am not one to leave my friends hanging when they need to talk about something, so I stuck around. And he started complaining about how much he wanted to come home and he didn’t want to be at school anymore. He had no drive for it was his wording. So I said something about he can come home and stand outside Joey’s forever while we try to decide what to do. And he said he couldn’t wait to just be with the gang. But I know that he’ll be home not even 3 weeks and then he’ll start complaining about how no one around here does anything, we are all indecisive losers, and how he can’t wait to go back to school where he can get work done. He doesn’t seem to realize that Russ and everyone else has things to do. But he never seems really happy. He complains in the fall that no one is around, everyone went off to school. He complains that he can’t wait to come home for Thanksgiving, then when he gets here, he’s bored cause no one is home yet. Then he’s upset cause he has to go back so early, and then he wants to come home for Spring Break (which he could have done and HE made the choice not to). Then he can’t wait to come home and then he’s complaining cause there is no “artistic outlet” for him here and he’s frustrated. I’m sorry but it gets annoying. And then he tells me he’s not upset with being down there, he likes it, but he wants a vacation (like the ones he’ll get when he’s actually working for real) and he needs his degree before he can really go to work. Meanwhile he complains that he really doesn’t need any of the classes he’s taking. He’s so much smarter and more mature than that. ARG!
He thinks he so damn mature but he’s really not. He’s not worrying about where he’s gonna live and how he’ll support himself. He says he thinks about all that, but he doesn’t have to deal with it in September like I do. He has two more years before he even has to start thinking about getting a full-time job, and an apartment and everything else that school provides for him. Food, shelter, an internet line, a bed, furniture. Not many of my friends have to think about this. They are living at college or with their parents. Do you know how high homeowner’s insurance is? How expensive renting a place is? Not to mention buying furniture and food and health insurance and car payments and car insurance. And what if I’m pregnant? Seriously, I want to just leave this place. Move to another town far away from here. Get a job, an apartment, a car and do this myself. I think I need to fail again. Maybe live out of my car for a while, really run out of money. I’m smart enough and I have more marketable skills than most people my age. I’m not too proud for the meanial jobs.
Ok, so work calls and I’m done venting least for now.
Was it something I said, was it something you read
That’s making me think that I should never have come here
I can offer you lies, I can tell you good-bye,
I can tell you I’m sorry, but I can’t tell you the truth, dear
And if I could – would it do any good?
You’ll still never get to see the contents of my shoe box of lies