fly above the paper and drown in the ink

So I’m having fun, or at least trying to. I seriously didn’t realize how much I missed Heather until she came back. I’ve been on the defensive and trying to keep things hidden and kept together for so long, I forgot what it felt like to just let go and trust. Which for some reason, I can really do with her. Even after we had our falling out, being with her, I’m not protecting myself like I do with Manny or Kaba or anyone else. And she is the only one who really understands me and doesn’t get on my nerves after a few hours. And especially with all the bipolar stuff, she just gets it. And she can read me so much better than Manny can. I’m not really sure how or why, but she just does. She knows my getting drunk is not just me having fun. There is something else there and she knows it. Manny just laughs at me and doesn’t bother. Course if I were to ever say something about it to him, he would just say Yeah I knew but I just left you alone. You’d tell me eventually. Which is kinda true cause I usually do. But Heather pushes and makes sure I’m ok and not going near any bridges before she leaves me alone. She called me last night when I was drunk and made me promise to answer the phone later when she called, so she knew I wasn’t dead. And thats cause she knew something was bothering me. Even though I wasn’t really sure what it was at the time myself. It was amusing though. Cause I didn’t want to miss her call and make her worry. So I turned my phone all the way up so I would hear it if I fell asleep, which I did. And the ring kinda just penatrated my dream and woke me up enough to answer the phone and tell her I was fine.

The weekend was most amusing. I have seriously never picked up a guy at the pool hall before. And now I owe Heather anything she wants. A trip to Utah to see the MorJew if he goes is what she’s thinking, so we’ll see if he goes. And I would seriously go out there with her. I think it would be a hysterical trip. Anyway, the guy. We were playing pool and talking and I was drugged-up-happy and she was pissed and confused about MorJew. And at the table next to us were these two cute guys. Then some girl came in and you could tell she was with one of them. And I figured the other guy would have someone showing up too. But he didn’t and then went out for a cigarette. So I did too. And Heather tagged along, texting MorJew. And he and I got to talking. His name is Mike and he graduated from my high school when I was a freshman (yeah go older men!!) and we knew some of the same people and teachers. Then he invited us to play doubles with him and another one of his friends. We played twice. He leaned over to me during the first game and told me that the losers usually bought the winners drinks, but this wasn’t an alcohol establishment so we would have to figure something else out. And we won the first game cause Heather managed not to sink the 8-ball until she was suppose to. And I have to say, it was a beautiful shot. And then the second game, Mike scratched after getting the 8-ball in. So we won by default. And Joe kept the hall open for us so we could finish the game. So Mike wants to know what we want for winning. I’m still debating. Heather doesn’t want anything from him, just a favor from me for dragging her into it. And then we went outside and his ride had left him there. So I offered to give him a lift where ever he wanted to go. His friend/ride didn’t like us and called us bitches while he was on speaker phone with Mike, but I could really care less cause Mike told him off. And so we went to Dunkin Donuts because there is NOTHING else to do in my town at 3am. And then I offered him a ride home. He’s really sweet and cute and has great manners. And we had so much fun. So when we dropped him off, he gave me his business card (yeah a working man ;)!!!) and his cell number and I gave him mine since Mommy and I finally got cell phones and he said he would call me next time he was in town so we could play pool together. He’s going to VT this weekend but thats ok cause I think I’m going to a concert and then Mommy’s party is Sunday. But he gave me a hug and a kiss when we left. Heather was in her own little Text world, which was fine cause then I didn’t feel like I was ignoring her as much and she didn’t seem to mind that I was talking with Mike. And he gave Heather a hug too, but not a kiss. And he gives really good hugs. Least he did to me. And it worked out really well, cause when he left is when the MorJew went to Bed so Heather and I could talk about what happened and what was going on with her MorJew. And we drove around till about 5 and then I dropped her off at home.

I think it was good that I didn’t see her every day cause I agree with Jenny that maybe our relationship was a little too intense. And I think it was good that we were able to back up for a while. It gave her space to grow up and it gave me space to grow up too. And she definitely grew up and matured. I’m not sure what excatly pushed it along and it may have just been time. And since I didn’t see or talk to her for a while, I was able to see how much she matured when we did start talking again. I’m not sure I’m anymore mature, but she definitly is.

And Saturday night I dyed my hair and Sunday was Easter craziness and Monday was school and the stupid Red Cross. American Red Cross has a policy that says if you’ve been to the UK for more than 3 months since 1980 you can’t give blood. So the Red Cross put a ban on my blood basically. They don’t want it and they will never want it. But New York Blood Center’s policy is to the UK for more than 3 months between 1980 and 1996, you can’t give. Well by 1996 I’d only been to the UK for around 2 months or less. So NYBC takes my blood and stupid Red Cross doesn’t. There was a blood drive at college and thats how I found out. Cause NYBC has been taking my blood since the last time I went to the UK without a problem. So the Red Cross loses and the NYBC wins!!! Oh well. Mommy can’t give to the Red Cross either. Too bad since our blood is very rare and is the ultimate universal donor, with a special protein that doesn’t matter if you don’t have it, but if you do that you need the excat same kind of blood. Anyways, I hate the Red Cross and I’m all for NYBC. Its just better. Besides I get invited to parties with the NYBC and the Red Cross people yelled at me yesterday for trying to practice. Morons.

Ok enough Red Cross bitching. Time to get back to work. Ugh. I’m bored and I don’t want to work. I’d rather be home playing oboe or piano. And actually practicing! See how bored I am!!!!!!!!!!