Jean bags and a drama queen

So I haven’t written in a while and I really don’t know where to excatly begin. This past month has been pure hell. I lost my best friend in a really strange fight. I’m not sure what excatly happened but she doesn’t want to see me or talk to me again. Wow, doesn’t that sound familiar. Manny is so lucky I already trust him because right now I trust absolutly no one again. I’m trying not to fall back to the horrible place I ended up after Tim. And due to familiarity and being home, I’m doing ok. After something like 12 new CDs and about 6 new DVDs I’m starting to get back to reality. Its an expensive habit that when I get upset I buy new music or movies, but at least I’m aware of it and try to get stuff on sale. I started a Johnny Depp collection. I have Blow, Don Juan DeMarco, Pirates of the Carribean and Donnie Brasco. I just ordered Sleepy Hollow and Edward Scissorhands. I want to start a Julia Roberts collection too, but I haven’t gotten around to that yet. I think the only Julia movie I have is The Pelican Brief and I’m not even sure where that is. Oh well. I’m studying and working hard trying to keep busy so I don’t miss Feather so much. I know what I did probably hurt her, but she has really hurt me too. And my life is full of memories of our friendship. But between Kaba, Brendan and Egyptian Rat Screw I’m trying to make new memories. I’m so busy and I have so many worries and things on my mind. I’m in school. I work. I give piano lessons and take oboe lessons. I’m also in two community ensembles at local colleges. Its wonderful, but I feel so busy and crazy! I’m worried about John and how his surgery had gone. I’m worried about Dot and how Kristen is doing. I’m worried and extremely happy about Megan’s twins. I hope she carries them long enough and the birth goes smoothly, no complications. I miss my best friend, my other half. As much as Kaba tries and as cool as she is, she’s not Heather and she has her own best friends from the past few years. Destiny seriously just gets on my nerves with her boy-wangster craziness. That girl needs to find a guy who will respect her. And Brendan needs to make a choice between Kaba and Cindy and he needs to grow up a little bit.
And I’m still worried that I missed my ONE. He is gone forever and I’m hurting. A wound fresh from recent battles I suppose. And the whole smoking thing. I don’t really want to stop. Which is a really bad thing. Cause I know how horrible it is. Someone dies from smoking every 72 seconds. Maybe in the next minute I’ll be the one dead.
I think thats what keeps me on them. The opportunity of death. Death doesn’t have to come knocking cause my doors always open.
So yeah, I’m my usual cheery self, not much has changed I don’t think. Besides my instrument of death.