sometimes i give into sadness

I’ve been lying, to keep you from this pain
Now your crying, and to know that I’m to blame
And I’ll miss you
But its over now

I’m so sorry, that it had to be this way
Please don’t hate me, but there’s nothing you can say
To change my mind
I’ve got to go away

Bye Bye Boyfriend
It’s time that I’d be on my way
Bye Bye Boyfriend
I used to like the way you said
Baby back it up, lay down what
It was fun but it couldn’t last forever
Bye Bye pretty boyfriend,
It’s time to, It’s time to pack it up
Baby ’cause its over now

Let me tell you how it was when we started off
The tattoos and the lip pierce and raggedy style you used to rock
Lately everything you do and say is messed up
Things have changed, down is up we’re outta luck

And Baby I’m sorry that it had to be this way
Please don’t hate me, but there’s nothing you can say
to change my mind
I’ve gotta go

Bye Bye Boyfriend
It’s time that I’d be on my way
Bye Bye Boyfriend
I used to like the way you said
Baby back it up, lay down what
It was fun but it couldn’t last forever
Bye Bye pretty boy,
It’s time to pack it up
Baby ’cause its over now

You never put the effort in to the things that really counted
A word here, and a kiss there
Could change the way its turning out
You work so hard at all the things I never really cared about
How hands work & fingers moving, Eyes wide Shut
And baby I’m lonely though your right in front of me
You controlled me that was the girl I used to be
Gave up myself well its over now

Bye Bye Boyfriend
It’s time that I’d be on my way
Bye Bye Boyfriend
I used to like the way you said
Baby back it up,
Lay down what

It was fun but it couldn’t last forever
Bye Bye pretty boy,
It’s time to pack it up
Baby ’cause its over now

I’m backin up,
Baby cause it’s over now

Pretty pretty pretty pretty boyfriend,
c’mon Baby back it up
Lay down what
It was fun but it couldnt last forever
bye bye pretty boy

Baby ’cause it’s over now

Bye Bye Boyfriend ~Fefe Dobson

This song for some reason really is how I’m feeling now. I think its more the music and few of the lyrics rather then the whole song. Fefe Dobson is a pretty ok musician and singer. I like her voice and she really isn’t all that bad, but thats just me. I think you can hear the pain in her voice in this song really well and that translates into my pain, even though it is for completely different reasons. It makes me want to grab my guitar and start writing. Hopefully I’ll actually do that tonight when I get home. There’s a bittersweet theme through out the song. Resonates in my life. My oboe teacher is going to start teaching me again and I’m playing in the Vassar Wind Ensemble. SWEET! I love my gang and hanging out with them. And I’m so glad to be back in the lounge with my rats. 😉 ANOTHER SWEET. But my therapist told me that I might not be just depressive, I might be bi-polar. Which really scares me. My uncle is badly bi-polar and I don’t want to end up like him. Its terrifying. And I’m scared of the meds they’ll put me on. BITTER. And I’ve lost my best friend. I screwed up and the worst part is on some level I’m not sorry for writing what I did. Just that she found out the way she did instead of me telling her in a better way. But she hasn’t called. And everyday that passes without a phone call puts another nail in the coffin. I started going nuts this weekend cause I realized I haven’t talked to her in two weeks. No email, no TOD, no texts, no nothing. And it really hurts damn it! And I don’t want to admit I miss her and I’m hurting but I am and I do. I don’t want to go running to her because I want to stand my ground for once. And I don’t want to get hurt again. But maybe I should call her again. I don’t want to chase her, I just want my little sister back. I’m so sorry and I’m hurting so much. And I know there is nothing I can do or say to fix this. So I just sit and wait with my head in my hands and try not to cry. And someday I’ll be able to go on again.
And Dan died. Thats sad. He was a nice guy and a good clarinet player. Its just too much. I don’t know how much more I can talk.
Breathe in, breath out, eventually time will pass and I’ll make it through.
You should be downstairs with them
Your wasting your time again
Listen I’m fine now
I don’t want to talk right now
Thank you for your concern