you are my faith

well I won’t ever tell the world
that I don’t belong
Please don’t ever tell the world
That I don’t belong
Well I won’t ever change my ways
and I can’t be strong
please don’t ever tell the world
that I don’t belong

Was it life I betrayed
for the shape that I’m in
It’s not hard to fail
it’s not easy to win
did I drink too much
could I disapear
and there’s nothing that’s left but wasted years

I’m in such a weird mood, listening to Cold. I heard some really bad news this morning. There is this couple who really helped raise me. She took me to my first day of kindergarten and he almost punched out my principle once for scaring me. They are really like my second parents. They have three kids of their own who used to babysit me and are now grown with their own kids. They retired and moved about 2 hours away from here, so I don’t see them often. But we still keep in contact and visit. She sent me an email this morning in reply to an email I sent, saying that John has cancer. Its stage one of a usually curable cancer, I forget the name. That word is one of the scariest in the world for me. I’ve lost too many people to this disease, in one form or another. I feel surreal and not quite all here right now. It just hurts so much. I really want to just break down and cry, but I can’t seem to. And Christmas is just a few days away. I haven’t don’t any of my Christmas shopping cause I have no money and I don’t know what to get people. I really hate holidays. I would really just rather sleep and do nothing all day than anything else. I did see Lord of the Rings last night, which was really really long, but amazing. But right now, I just want to curl up in a ball with the puppies and cry myself to sleep. But I have work, so I’m going to do what I do best. Pretend nothing is wrong and go on with my life until I have a chance to lose my mind. Maybe I’ll schedule it is for next week Tues or Mon. See how messed up my life is???