And the bad news is you’re gone

Wow….i’m so not in the mood for rain. I usually don’t mind it but today its just not cool. My dad’s really good friend passed away on Sunday. So he’s not in the best of moods. At least he’s not pissed off like usual. Instead he’s depressed. Scary cause I see me in him. And that’s really upsetting. And then this morning this wonderful rainy morning my uncle called to tell us that my great-aunt finally passed away. I’m her namesake and I really love her. Its not so upsetting that she finally passed away. She was old and sick and it was time for her to go. She’s in a better place now. God, how much more cliche can I get. It does make me feel better to say all that though. Cause I know she’s with Bill. But I’m upset cause my dad is taking really hard. I could tell by the look on his face how upset he was. And still is. And now he has to go to a funeral in the rain. He was telling our friend about it yesterday and how the fire trucks are going to do a drive by the fire house and whatnot. And his friend said That’ll be nice. And my dad was like It’ll be nice if he was still alive.

I hope he doesn’t get sick like me. Its hard. Really hard. And maybe thats where I get it from. Genetics and all. the conversation always turns to Russ I really just do not want to go to orchestra tonight. I wanna go to the Missing September concert and hear Graser. It is so sad and everything but it makes me feel that much better. And right now its what I really really need. I love my boys. Somehow just sitting with them always makes me feel a little better. Even if they don’t say a word to me. I love boys. At least when they are not being stupid and annoying. Matt is such a big brother to me and I’m not sure he even realizes how much he is. He’s sitting next to me in the computer lab as I’m typing this and he’s just there. He knew there was something wrong and he’s just there. Not trying to fix it or say anything just being there. Its nice. A big change from Manny who would try to talk me out of the mood. Sometimes you just need to be in the mood and let it change naturally.

And I bless the day I met you. And I thank God that he let you lay beside me for a moment that is ours.
I love SOPs right now. They are just cool. Maybe a little depressing in their sad songs, but so good. I love boys who can sing. Melt my heart…..

Ok I think I’m gonna go now. I’m really tired and I want to just sleep and listen to music.

I WANNA GO SEE MISSING SEPTEMBER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!