BMS Letter

So I’m in Duchess now, and I have a bit of free time, so I’ve been writing a little. This started as a letter to Brian and then continued. So here’s the latest venting from the crazy girl…

Dear Brian,
So prepare yourself. I think Math may become my “letter-writing” class. It’s Intermediate Algebra, which is basically teaching us the long way to do everything we can really do shorthanded using Calculus. Ok – so big news since you left, what 2 days ago. I haven’t heard from Kim about talking to Tim, but driving around DCC today looking for a parking space, I saw a big blue Suburban. Just chance right. But as I got closer, I noticed the bumper stickers, the exact two from Tim’s Suburban. And I noticed the tinted windows and the rust spot on the side. So its all just chance right. There could be 2 Suburbans exactly like it. I’m hoping for that but I know its not true. Either he’s here or his sister or his mother is here. Last I heard, his sister was going to Nyack and that was a few months ago. His mother won’t let him go to the Chance, so why would she be there. And he was dropping out of Nyack and getting married. So I really hope I was mistaken and it wasn’t his car. But my gut tells me I’m not…

Ok, so two hours later I’m in English. My teacher is this tiny, soft-spoken old woman. Why do I have the feeling I’ll be learning when to use “thee” and “thou” rather than modern English? Oh, well I looked for Tim’s Suburban but I didn’t find it again. Maybe his sister was dropping off her old books or something. Anyway nothing I can do about it. I’ll just deal and then have a party, get drunk and have another nervous breakdown. I’ll wait till you or Bobby gets home so I don’t really kill myself. I don’t know how much you heard about what happened after you left. Besides stealing more alcohol from Heather’s bottle, I got a shadow. Bobby would not leave my side. He’s like going down stairs in front of me, letting me rest of his shoulder. Meanwhile he’s trying to explain the DCC campus to me. Let’s just say that’s all I remember. That night after everyone left Bobby, Anar, JP, Heather and I sat around playing a round of BS and drinking the last of the alcohol. It’s a toss-up which beer is more disgusting, Amstel Light or that Molson from Canada. Bobby went home and Nars and JP when to bed. Heather and I had a drunken what-do-you-remember? & how-did-that-happen-again?, while splitting the last Smirnoff Triple Black. I ran into Alexis Miller today on campus. Her schedule is similar to mine, so she and I will be doing some carpooling, which will be cool. She’s nice and funny. Her ex-boyfriend, Matt, goes here too and their friend Paul (who used to date my other friend, Laura). They are a complete riot. And I saw Joe and Dennis, which was cool (I know people!). And Laura and a few other faces from Ketcham. But no new friends in any of my classes yet. I only have two left to attend, Orchestra and Western Civ. Man, this English teacher likes to talk. I’m tuning in and out because every once in a while she’ll have something important to add in there. Oh, I saw Brand New’s video on MTV2 this morning when I was getting ready this morning. It was on one of those instant picks where people call in and vote while the previously voted video plays. It was that vs. something like Beyonce or something like that. And at frist they were losing but they pulled through in the last few seconds. It was the quiet places no one ever knows video. Its creepy. The car accident thing and her dying. Very cool, much like Deja Entendu. Its dark and twisted. How the hell did I end up like this? So dark, twisted, messed up ~ a failure on a one-way track to nowheresville. I’ve been to hell. Stood on the edge and looked in. I’ve been there and back dragging with me, my own private set of demons and skeletons to throw in my closet. I’ve also seen heaven, peaceful bliss of ignorance. As much as I was a child back then, and as much as I wanted to grow up, I was perfectly happy and content.