Graser Lyrics

Why the hell do I care so much? And why can’t I just get over him and move on? I have someone who loves me and has been willing so many times to try with me. And I always end up pushing him away. Because I love someone who won’t even talk to me. Someone I haven’t seen in a year (well in 7 more days it will be a year). Someone who means so much, who still makes me feel so deep. “I just miss you so much I can’t breathe.” (Graser – Missing September) I just want to hold him. I just want him back so much. There’s a hole in my chest that John opened up tonight. And I didn’t realize how deep or how how much it would hurt. I definitly didn’t even think it was still there. I figured it was now a scar that aches during bad weather or high stress. But I was wrong. This is an open bleeding wound that has infection and is spreading. I thought I had done everything to stop it. Everything to make it heal. I know it will never go away. I will always love him on some level. But I thought I would be able to move on. I just want him back. Kim is being given the option I never had a chance to offer. Tim rejected me, completely. No doubt that is what he did. But the last hug, the last time I saw him. He didn’t want to let go. He was battling with himself. I know he was. He just wanted to stay there with me forever. And then he was like “Go. Before I don’t let you.” And I went. Because I believed I wasn’t going to lose him so completely. Nothing I feel makes any sense. Well except the pain. That makes sense. It hurts! Why I can’t just let him go. Why I can’t listen to what he said and what everyone eles is saying. He doesn’t want to see or talk to me. I need someone new I need to get out of this town away from these memories. But I can’t. I’m not going to Potsdam, because I’m a loser. And they will not accept me. Matt dies, Tim rejects me and now Potsdam won’t take me. These nights can get very dangerous. The rooftop looks appealing and I’d like to try my hand at flying. jump push off the bridge and let go of the world and its restricting emotions and this heavy body let the world slip away and
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will be ok.

I just want to be done with this. And I want this to be over. I just want to move on. God, it hurts so much I can’t even think straight.