all the things she said
“All the things she said, all the things she said running through my head…”
Replace she with he and you have me. 😉 Like that makes sense. Oh well. I want to talk to Tim and try to figure out what happened, but I don’t want to do it to try and get back together. First off, I can’t trust him right now. I can’t trust anyone right now, and that definitly includes him. I don’t know what talking to him would solve. It might just complicate things more. I have to admit, I don’t think about him as much as I used to. Least I don’t feel like I do. Maybe thats because it just hurts so much to think about him. And thinking about him just makes life so pointless and bleak. I do have a life without him, but it just seems so much bleaker and darker because hes not there. He put the sun in my skies (as stupid as that sounds.) He put the happiness into my life. He really did. And I dont like to admit that because I don’t want any person to have that kind of power over me. But denial is not just river in egypt. He had that power. I don’t know if he still does, but maybe. I guess I’m afraid to find out. I don’t want him to be my happiness. And I don’t want to talk to him, because what will that solve? What will it accomplish? “A few questions that I need to know. How you could ever hurt me so? I need to know what I’ve done wrong, and how long its been going on. Did I always start the fights? Did I always do nothing right? Either way, I’m going out of my mind. All the answers to my questions, I have to find.” Yah that sums it up. I guess I want to talk to him for those reasons. But what if it doesn’t solve anything? What if it just makes me go back to thinking about him constantly? What if it doesn’t help me to get over him? I’m doing halfway ok right now. And it took me a long time to get here. I guess I see there being more chance of me getting more hurt than of talking to him solve any problems. Oh well. I guess thats where its gonna stay. Because I know he won’t call me. I have no friends, no “marriage counselor, relationship helper” to intervene and talk to him. No one to help.
And that is the reason I feel so alone.