Gas Station Boys

So I haven’t written in a while and its werid, because I don’t know where to begin. I’m really not in the mood to do this right now, but then again I’m in excatly the right mood to do it. Yah, so I can still confuse myself without even trying. Anyway, I finally broke up with Sammy. Crazy stuff. I chickened out and told him on aol and then the computer kept kicking me off. But I really didn’t want to talk to him. I was afraid of him either convincing me to stay with him or some other crazy Sammy thing. So I called Heather instead. And she talked online to Sammy while trying to keep me calm. But finally I let him call. He screamed at me for like an hour before he calmed down. It really pissed me off. It still does. He didn’t need to scream at me. Ugh, he makes me mad. And then like two days later Danny shows up at my front door and we ended up kissing. Only once really. I mean he tried to kiss me and the third time I didn’t push him away. For a lot of reasons that don’t make much sense now, but oh well. I told Settle and he said I should tell Manny, which I really didn’t want to do. But I did and then Manny got pissed at me, and got confused because he didn’t know what we were. And I explained to him that I told him, not because he was my ex, but because he wanted to be friends and that was something I rather he heard from me, his friend, then later from the gossip ring. So that was just weird and annoying. Anyway, I can’t just immediately go from being his girl to being friends (even though it was my choice) without having some time to sort things out and have a break from him. So I sent him an email and told him that I needed some space and some time. He said he understood and he’s left me alone since then. Granted I’m not online 24/7 like I was at school, but thats ok.

My parents have put me “under restriction.” I suppose its sort of like grounding, but not completly. I can’t do anything or go anywhere (without their permission) until I have a job. There’s this job at a hotel that I’m thinking might really work out. But then Mommy said something to me about checking out the bus loop for getting down there, and I am not too happy about doing that. I hate the bus. Anyway, I’ll figure that out later. I really wish I could have a car. That would make my life so much easier. Oh well. The fact that my parents are trying to isolate me from any type of social life is really not a good idea. My friends’ problems have always helped me get through my problems. Because they help me feel important and like there is a reason for me to live and to try. Without doing that, I feel dead. I don’t have a desire to do anything. But I have major problems with motivation so its ok. I only do things I want to do, but even then I don’t always do them. So I don’t know what the deal with me is. I’m probably just lazy, but I don’t know. Anyway, I just don’t know what I’m going to do.

But anyway, there is this guy in my history class. And last class I actually talked to him. For me, that is a big deal, even though most people wouldn’t believe that coming from me. But it is. That situation and everything, it just is. Now that I think about it, he probably has a girlfriend, so I don’t even have a chance, but still. Its a lot for me. This past weekend, my parents went to this resort/hotel/inn place. They used to go more, but they just haven’t gone in a while. And then they invited me and Heather to come up on Saturday for dinner and whatever else we wanted. So we did. The place is so nice. It looks like a palace and they had nice valet boys to take my car. It was really cool. Everything looked so cool and it was definitly an experience. And dinner was fun. Then Heather and I went ice skating. It was so much fun. Heather taught me how to ice skate, even though I’m still really unsteady. It was fun and I didn’t fall!! Now of course I want to go again so I can practice, but there aren’t many places around here to go skating, but thats ok. I’ll find somewhere. But coming back from the place last night, Heather and I stopped to get coffee, because I had a drive ahead of me and we had stuff to do when we got home. Then we stopped for gas on the highway, at one of those reststops that is only for the highway. And there were four guys in the station when I walked in to pay. They were teasing me that I hadn’t brought them any coffee. So I got this wild idea to drive back and bring them a little bit of coffee. And Heather (smart girl that she is) didn’t try to talk me out of it. It was funny. I only got them small coffees because that could have gotten expensive. But we drove back and they were so happy, it was funny. They were like, “You so did not just bring us coffee.” I just laughed. It was so hysterical. I swear I am going crazy, but I must say I like being single. Its fun. Anyways, its late and my body hurts from doing something. Maybe skating and lifting heavy things and staying up too late. Oh well. YA YA!!