Final Snap……But its ok now
Ok, so things can really change after a power nap and some girl talk. I slept for a few hours after writing that entry rather than do anyhing else. Anna called and wanted to go out to eat and so once I woke up I called her back and we made plans for dinner. I showered and got ready and I was amazed at how much better I felt. How my clearer my mind was. Anyway, called Mom to tell her I was going out but would try to call later. And then Anna and I went to Red Lobster. Oh the food was really good! I love Red Lobster. MMMmmmmmm so good!!! And so we got to talk. The thursday night of Messiah I had talked to her about my whole Manny problem and deal. And she really helps. And so I had to bring her up to date on what was going on. And talking through it all like that and sorting through it was really good. And she understands and thinks like me. She knows what I mean about Manny and everything. And so that was really good. And then we ended up talking about all kinds of stuff so that was really nice. Shes really cool. Then we went back to her house to watch movies and chill for a while. I called Mommy to talk to her before it got late. Then Marie (other girl oboe) called and wanted to come over and relate her latest happenings with her friend Joel. Yah, long story. Basically they are really casual friends, but she wants it to be more. So we talked about that. We watched part of Meet Joe Black, I Love Trouble, and Money Train, then decided we were all ADD and we just turned off the TV since none of us were really watching anything. And we just talked and acted silly and acted like girls. It was cool. I was tired and I was dreading calling Manny, but I promised. So I’m such a good little girl. Anna brought me home and I called Manny the moment I walked in. And it went a lot better than I had anticipated. We were both a lot calmer and I was way more rational. So its all pretty ok. I know what I need right now. Closure with Tim. Real closure in his face and eyes. Then I can begin to really deal with Manny. A lot of what he said in the convo between him and Heather was right on target even though I didn’t see it at the time. So one step at a time. And I know he will always be there and he will love me. Yah, so…
As a sidenote onto the last two entries. I highly doubt if they will ever make complete sense to anyone but me. I’m not even sure I could explain them to anyone else. But a lot of what I wrote needs to be taken in context. Something in me had snapped last night. It was a build up of everything that has been going on the past week or so. And something in particular effected me a bit more than I wanted it to. It was Jennie’s problem (still private) that I think finally made me snap. But it was a lot of things that lead up to it. After Anna, I’m doing much better and thinking much more clearer. Besides the fact that I am exhausted right now. I know that Settle and Manny do not hate me and Settle is not planning my death. That stems from a lot of different things I don’t want to explain now. But I am very tired so I am going to sleep now. And I think it will really be a peaceful sleep. Finally….
Ok, so I will sort the rest of my life out later.