Together Again

OK – so a lot has happened. One – my “obsession” with Tim got really bad and I called him. Left message. He came online. We talked. He has a new girlfriend. Ouch that did hurt, but no big deal. That was why we broke up. He wasn’t MINE anymore. Fine. Then the knife that had merely pricked me was shoved in and twisted. “I never really loved you.” He loves me as a friend, but thats it. He never loved me. Then why did he say it to me? Why did he even say that he loved me in the first place? I thought I loved him, but I didn’t want to hurt him and take it back one day, so I didn’t say it for a long time. But I started to believe that he might mean it and eventually I said it back to him. And thinking he meant it, I meant it too. BUT in reality I guessed he didn’t or something. I don’t know and I’m not sure I want to know right now. So Manny – how excatly does Manny fit into all of this? I don’t know how to explain it. But he has always been there, or not been there if thats what I needed. And there are more things I don’t want to go into right now. He is really wonderful and amazing. And I feel myself slowing falling in love with him, even though I don’t want to and yes I know that is a contradiciton, but it is how I feel. Tim was like that fairy tale knight in shining armour. That little girl dream of who I wanted. But he’s not real. Well, thats what I’m telling myself. He was not meant for me. Could I live forever in a fantasy world with him? Manny is my escape but also my reality. He lets me get away and keeps me sane and helps me get back into the “real world.” John’s statement of there something in Manny that I must really like is true. And his “approval” of my decision meant more than he knows. Everyone here is like, whats the point of that relationship? He’s so far away. Its stupid, you’re crazy. And that makes me doubt me. And I really don’t need all that. So I’m not really telling everyone. Rachel and Jennie were pretty cool about it. But everyone else is driving me nuts. So I’m not going to tell everyone about it. Let them find out as time goes on. Am I crazy? I don’t know sometimes. Anyway – the end of this story right now is that Manny and I are together. Officially. I don’t think Ali is happy about it, but I really could care less.
And John told me that Bobby was being an ass, talking about how I was upset when I left because all my friends had left and Tim and I were officially over. And he wanted to give me the “you don’t have a clue” lecture. That makes me laugh and it makes me mad. First off, I don’t care what he thinks. If he was getting annoyed with me, why did he always call and want to do something with me and Heather. Clingy boy, my goodness!!! And it makes me mad that he’s talking shit about me behind my back. Thankfully John is a good friend. Bobby isn’t and never was a “best friend.” Yah he was fun to hang out with and be around sometimes, but he was by no means even a close friend. He made it pretty clear he didn’t want to hear all of Heather and mine problems. So we didn’t tell him. I wouldn’t have anyways. He’s just someone I hung out with. It just makes me laugh too, because…..well think about it…..Bobby lecturing me about having a clue??!!! HA HA HA HA HA MWAHAHAHAHA!!! I mean cmon!!! Anyways, thats life right now. Least as much as i feel like writing about. Peace out!