this is the end

the phone rings
the computer beeps
its you again
somehow you act like nothing happened
like you have forgiven me
and that makes everything ok
it doesn’t
i’m not ready to forgive you
not ready to let go
of everything you said
the holes in my back have not healed
and i’m still in pain
i try to open up to you
even a little bit
tell you of the weekend
but it just feels wrong
you don’t have the right
to be in my life
not yet
maybe not ever
i’m glad you can call me
i’m glad you don’t seem mad
but i can’t yet
i only dialed your number twice
once in a drunken state
after seeing my oldest friend’s car
flipped in the road
and him not moving from the car
and once because i promised
i try not to break promises
i try not to break trysts
obviously that doesn’t matter to you
you broke trysts between us
and nothing will ever be ok
if i see you on the street
i might say hello
but i’m just being nice
don’t think its an opening
for a friendship
contrary to what you believe
you are not my only friend
i had friends before you
and i kept the friends you didn’t like
they are mine and not yours
they never broke trysts
they never lied to me
the poison of your life
has crept into mine
and now i must cleanse
everything you touched
before i can let you in again
you will never see the real me
you never did
the friendship i thought we had
was merely a sham
so go back to your other friends
i know they are there for you
and honestly i am glad
i wouldn’t want anyone to be alone
but don’t think i’m alone
don’t think i have no one to go to
i have people who care so much
more that you ever did
so much more that
they will come back
even from the dead for me
so make new memories
and move on with your life
i have
perhaps someday we can be friends again
but that day is not today
i care because i’m human
i love because i’m a child of God
and this is the end
this story’s old
but it goes on and on
until we dissappear
calm me and let me taste
the salt you breathed
while you were underneath
i am the one who haunts
your dreams of mountains
sunk below the sea
i spoke the words
but never gave a thought
to what they all could mean
i know that this is what you want
a funeral keeps both of us apart
you know that you are not alone
need you like water in my lungs
this is the end