the status quo

black angel of night
flying over you and into me
somethings you will never understand
you are my release and dream
the escape from the world i’m in
its a circus, with painted faces
and trick ponies
balancing on the high wire
never sure if she’ll make it across
bearded ladies and giant men
its spinning around
making me dizzy till i can’t see you anywhere
reach for my hand and bring me down
back to earth
on the soft green grass
where dew drops wet our backs
hold me and tell me about your world
where the flower blooms and the bird sings
like a perfectly written screenplay
everyone knows their lines
and in a half-hour all the problems
will have happy endings
he lives in a teen movie
where the pretty girl gets the pretty guy
the bully gets beat up
and the outcast becomes prom queen
where did all the rebels go?
they are mowing lawns at the retirement home
while the jocks win the state finals
and everyone goes home happy
i can’t breathe in that candy-coated world
it makes me want to scream
run the the roof and jump
somewhere is the world for me
somewhere is the boy for me
but the ever-ending question
do i give up what i know
for the unknown
at least the pain is familiar
if i took that leap of faith
went outside the box
did something unexpected
who knows what other pain
might be out there, waiting for me
so i maintain the status quo
and continue on this self-destructive path
because even though it will destroy me
at least i know what to expect
at least i know what i’m doing
i’m killing myself slowly